Always Hate Me

39. A Feast for the Rats

Ryder was exiting the Pantheon at the end of his shift. He returned his hard hat to the stack and ran his fingers through his bleached hair.

"Crevan!"

He looked up at the sound of that voice and smiled. Devi was waiting for him, her bike propped up against the wall behind her.

Ryder sighed, his body relaxing, and he quickly closed the gap between them. They stood facing– uncertain with each other. Devi shyly tucked her hair behind her ear.

"Did you sleep well?" He asked softly. She nodded, but averted her gaze. It was a lie and Ryder guessed as much. "Still having nightmares?"

Devi reluctantly nodded. It was the same nightmare on repeat. Ryder reached out and gently brushed the dark shadows beneath her eyes. 

Every night, she saw Crevan killing Giovanni. She saw the look in the vampire's eyes when he realised that he was going to die. "You know I had to do it, right?"

Devi nodded.

"Yes, yes... of course I do."

Ryder stroked her hair tenderly – as if patting a cute pup.

"Then let it go. Let go of any thoughts that hurt you. Please, Devi -try not think too much."

Devi caught his hand and gently turned it – so that his wrist was facing up. The word 'Lauren' tattooed on his wrist showed vividly in contrast to his pale skin.

"What about you? Have you let go?"

Ryder sighed. 

"Come." He offered his hand, threading his fingers with hers, and they ambled together down the cobbled roads – the sun low behind them. 

"You haven't taken my pain in long while," Devi commented – breaking the silence.

"I don't need it." Though even as he spoke, his hands trembled. He strengthened his grip on Devi's hand – the reassuring warmth steadying him.

"Really? You don't want the magic anymore?"

Birds took off overhead, flying from the Pantheon's rafters and arching across the blue sky. Ryder's grey gaze followed their flight. He sighed, the light leaving his eyes.

"I should tell you about Lauren." His voice was low and his Adam's apple bobbed in his throat. 

Devi's head snapped around to face him and her gaze hooked unblinking on Ryder's side profile.

"What happened to her?" She asked, half scared to hear the answer.

"She died."

Devi exhaled slowly - she'd guessed as much.

"When?"

"Four months ago."

Devi felt like she'd been punched in the stomach. She'd assumed it had been longer. 

"Where you... with her when...?"

"Yes. She died right in front of me." Ryder's voice was hoarse. "I couldn't save her." He ducked his head down and Devi's heart ached for him. "Her life shouldn't have ended like that."

They stopped walking and Devi remained silent, letting him take the time. "She was special."