What if I lived? ✔️

I'm sorry

Turned out, Mor was the one I hurt the most lying. Everyone else accepted my story much faster than I had anticipated. Elain wasn't even all that surprised, she just said the way I talked about the children back at Blaise's palace was way too fond for a babysitter.

Feyre had started to be a bit more wary, but that was highly warranted and I couldn't be angry with her for it. She was a High Lady, she had a whole Court to protect besides the inner circle. Caution was reasonable at least.

Cassian made me talk about Myrina for hours on end, surprisingly Lucien was very interested as well. 

Amren just...  didn't care. That's the only way to describe her reaction. When Rhys told her she scoffed, grunted something about another brat, and left. That was it. I had expected snarling, instead, there was nothing.

Before we could leave for Vallahan we'd need a plan, a well thought out, well-researched plan. Since there was a life in the balance no one would sign off on any rash actions. They all seemed extremely reasonable.

Except for Mor.

When we got back to the riverfront house, I was too tired to recount everything again, so Rhys took over. After he had finished, Morrigan had thrown what could best be described as the tantrum of the century. She scolded me for an hour straight because I hadn't trusted them enough. The funniest thing about it? Mor underlined repeatedly how she understood that I hadn't been ready, but I didn't need to lie. Her words not mine. After that, whatever you want to call it, she had sat by listening while I told them about my little girl, squealing the loudest. Mother help me, when Myrina got here my friend would spoil her rotten.

In the meantime I decided to take up training again. On my own, besides Cassian's generous, repeated, offers to help me. But I wanted to do things by my pace, not his. I didn't want to be pushed or corrected, I wanted calm.

So the next day I stood up early and started to hike up the stairs to the house of winds. It was almost noon when I got there, but at least there was the roof with dummy targets, best place to train probably in whole Prythian. With the cool breeze, no one around to annoy me... for two minutes.

Then Cassian and Azriel turned up.

I hadn't talked with the shadow singer either, cleverly avoiding him the whole day. I had trusted him, tried to tell him, he hadn't even wanted to listen, so that's what he'd get now. Nothing.

My knife hit home on the dummy by the far end of the roof. Three tries until I had worked out the angle with the wind as well as the lack of strength in my arms.

Out of the corner of my eyes I could see Cassian clap Azriel on the shoulder and loudly declaring he'd get himself water, then he vanished inside.

When his form vanished into the building I was faster than the shadow singer: "I'm not angry with you."

"I didn't know you had a reason for being angry" I turned around, he had his arms crossed.

My eyes narrowed: "You didn't even give me a minute to explain. That's one. Second, you could've taken me down to talk with them all in one of the rooms, it's not like no one could've restrained me, instead you threw me into a cell. I'm sure if you give me some time I'll come up with a few more."

"I thought you weren't angry with me" he sounded confused.

I pursed my lips in distaste: "I'm not. I'm disappointed. Mostly in myself for letting myself fall for someone again, even though I know how vulnerable that leaves me. But also, in you. I thought that I could rely on you, trust you, then again, I'm proven wrong. My taste in men is just terrible."