Fill the void...

Chapter 4: November 25th 1993

The following morning I wrote Joanna's "I'm leaving you Daniel" note. I crumpled it up a little and laid it on my bed with a few beer bottles. I shuffled through my closet and threw most of the clothes into suitcases, stuffed yet left half opened.I wanted things to be left abruptly. Ironic yet logical. If someone just lost their daughter and wife you would assume that they would kill themselves or some shit or drink themselves into a ditch. Or in my case.....

I went downstairs and placed the letters I printed reading "bankrupt" and "foreclosed" on the kitchen counter. I stuffed my wallet into my pocket and I held Alana's gold chain in my hand...

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"We found Alana's body."

He placed the bloody chain in my hand as he cupped his over mine.

"I'm sorry Mr.Jacobs....Im sorry"

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...I walked out of the house hoping to leave everything behind though i knew no matter how far i went ,my demons would always follow. All i did know at the moment was that i wanted to do just that: get as far away as i could.

I drove my car to the first homeless man I saw, I got out and walked over to him blankly.

"Can anyone help me get a sandwich, can anyone help?" He waved his cup in the air.

Hold your hand out.

I placed the car keys in his hand and gave him a wink.

It's all paid off don't worry.

I put a few dollars in his cup as he teared up.

I heard him thanking me as I walked down the street, thanking me as I turned the corner. I did think for a second: What if he doesn't know how to drive? What if he tries to drive anyway?

I laughed to myself slightly. Not at the thoughts but at the simple fact that he would thank such a person like me...I continued to laugh at this thought all the way into the train station.

I can't quite tell if what I'm doing is actually right. If where i am is where i need to be, though i still have yet to even fully know where i'm even headed to.

I just hopped on a train with my wallet, my gold chain, and an unmatched emptiness. Letting the train take me as far as it could go. When I got off I just walked. Walked the streets of Helena, Montana apparently? Didn't really care where i was walking to, maybe i would figure that out within the process.. I don't know.

That was when I saw her...

Long brown hair to her shoulders, beautiful blue eyes that caught the attention of mine, innocence in her step, soft cream skin that glowed with youth. I found myself walking behind her. All the way to her house...

I found myself softly tiptoeing through the grass. Making my way around the exterior of her one story house. Looking through every window to see...her. The gate to the backyard was left carelessly cracked open as I slid my body through it. I continued to slide around the outside of the house until I made it to the backyard.

I watched her move through the house. She looked young. She looked like she was of age to be waiting for her parents to get back home.

Alana is that you? I whispered to myself.

I watched as her hands slid the window to her bedroom open. My chest beamed with excitement.

I crept over to the window matching the sounds of the wind in the now dusk atmosphere. Her backyard was spacious and relaxing. She must have parents that take care of the house well.