You Got Yr. Cherry Bomb [ruby da cherry]

Bet, Let Me Find My iPad

     My reflection stared back at me in the tour bus bathroom mirror, my eyes glossed over and sad. The skin on my face was wet from tears and my nose, mouth, and cheeks were tinted red. It was one of those days where I felt uglier than a mangled rat, and I had spent the last half hour crying over my appearance. Thank you, dysmorphia, that's enough, I thought. Was I insecure? No, not unless I was having a bad day. And today had been a pretty bad one.

     Thankfully, no one else was on the bus at the moment. They all went out to get some liquor and snacks at the nearby store, leaving me alone for who knows how long. One final tear slipped out as I took in a shaky breath, the kind that rattles your ribs after you'd been sobbing. I wiped my face of any evidence of my sob session and applied makeup in a way I'd usually only do for shows, interviews, and parties. Part of my aesthetic as a musician was to heavily exaggerate my features. My eyeliner covered most of my lid and the wings stretched out pretty far. My lips were overlined and the shape was manipulated. I religiously shaved my eyebrows off just to draw them back on and make them look cleaner, or change the shape of them entirely. The rest was contour that hid my insecurities - for the most part.

     Once I was done, I felt a little better about myself. I barely looked like myself, which comforted me greatly. I stepped out of the bathroom and made my way to the couch. There were no new messages when I checked my phone and it had already been over an hour, which left me concerned. They're big boys, they'll be fine, I thought.

     The tour bus was pretty spacious for the rental price. It had two couches across from each other in the main area behind the driver's seat, which was behind a wall with a sliding door attached to it. Next to the couch I sat across from was the door, and on the other side was a sink with counter space and a microwave above it. Next to the sink was a weirdly skinny fridge with cabinets above it. Behind me, above the couch I sat on, was a large window. A booth with larger cabinets than those above the fridge was directly next to me. The bathroom was next to the fridge, across from it were cubby-like shelves used for luggage and other personal belongings. Behind that was 6 bunks, 3 on each side. I chose the bottom bunk, which made everyone call me a pussy. It was true, and I wasn't even slightly ashamed of it.

     The tour itself had only just begun, there were only 3 shows down so far and a whole America to go. Mostly everyone who was involved with the tour was on the bus, except for the managers and the smaller opening acts. Germ, Max, Pouya, and $uicideboy$ all inhabited the bus with me; the only female on the tour. Honestly, I didn't even notice until Max pointed it out.

     Soon enough, I got a call from none other than Oddy; aka Ruby da Cherry, aka Aristos (he hated being called by his first name, though). I picked up and said, "What's wrong? I just sat down." He laughed and I heard yelling in the background.

     "Nothin's wrong, baby, I jus' wanteda let you know we on our - aye! Fuck. - we on our way back," he slurred. My heart sped up when he called me 'baby', and I mentally cursed at myself.

     "Are you drunk?" I asked. Laughter came from his end.

     "I mean... barely. We'll be aight, we good. Don't worry too much," he said. I replied with a slightly concerned 'okay, then.' and hung up.

     Ruby was one of my good friends, if not my best friend, on the tour. I knew everyone and got along with them well, but Ruby & I had some sort of deeper connection with a slew of things in common. It was hard to believe that we'd be so close, considering I had turned 19 only six months prior to the tour's start, and he had turned 30 a few weeks ago. There was a big difference between mine & everyone's age, which didn't bother me at all. The fans, however, were another story. Most of them saw no issue with anything that went on (I didn't even gain any sort of clout until I was already 18), but there were a select few that would scrutinize my friends for being so close with a 19 year old. It pissed me off, and annoyed a few of my friends, but I learned to not let it affect me too much.