Three Words, I Love You ✔️

18: I get tired too

|18: I get tired too|

((NEMOS POV CONTINUES AHAHAH again feel free to skip if it's too intense❤️ok bye))

My eyes are blurry as I stare at the vandalized door in front of me. Vulgar images and languages are scribbled on it with a hot pink Sharpie. Fuck my eyes burn. They itch, they're sore, they feel heavy. My eyelashes are sticking together in the most uncomfortable way. My hair is a mess from constantly messing with it.

In the beginning of fourth period, some girl kept cracking horrible flirty jokes at me. I ignored her as I usually do, I figured she'd stop after the fifth try.

She decided to grab my arm in an attempt to be sexy and get my attention. It was sudden so I freaked out on her.

Then it happened.

A knot was starting to form in my chest... I was getting dizzy and shaky. Numbness was starting to slowly creep up my fingers. My heart felt like it was going to explode from how fast it was beating... breathing became difficult. I couldn't focus, my thoughts were becoming frantic.

I was having a panic attack.

I knew it... fuck, I knew I was going to have one the second she laid her hands on me.

I always get one when they touch me... or even when I touch others. I don't like it. I fucking hate it. It freaks me out... I always feel like they're going to hit me.

Except with Adaline.

I don't feel threatened or fear whenever we make contact. The day she offered to fix my hair... I thought I would die. Yes, I know she wasn't going to hurt me but it was natural for me to think that.

But her touch is soft... gentle... kind. It's completely harmless.

I'm never going to get over my fear but with her I just... I don't give two shits if she touches me. The little finger bump she did? I've been wanting her to do it again. Even if it is the simplest tap.

And that's where I get confused again... why? Why her?

I'm so damn confused... I feel lost.

I massage my eyes, trying to get rid of the itchy feeling. My butt is starting to tingle because of how long I've been sitting on this damn toilet seat.

"Okay, Nemo..." I sigh to myself, "... get up... you can do it,"

Any second now... I'm going to stand up. I'm going to leave this bathroom. I'm going to face everybody like nothing happened. I'm going to get up. I can do it... I can get up and say I'm okay... even if it's fake.

It's easy... right? Adaline would be able to do it. Rory would be able to do it. Zoe would be able to do it. Chuck-Chuck would be able to do it... hell, even Toryn would be able to, that annoying spawn of Satan.

They can get up.

But why can't I?

I remain planted on the toilet, my hunched over body not moving an inch. I groan and place my head in my hands, cursing at myself.

"... I can't do it..." I mumble in defeat, the words coming out in barely a whisper. My chest starts to get that heavy feeling again. I tug at my hair in anger and disappointment.

Stupid... stupid... weak, weak, weak. You're so weak... 

The words repeat themselves as I sit, staring at my shoes.

Adaline's face suddenly begins to fade into my mind.

It's bright and happy looking... it's kind. Whenever she smiles, it's more of a crooked smile but fuck is it beautiful. Her left eye tends to squint slightly whenever she smiles... Her eyes always have a light twinkle in them.