Flagrant Fragrant by Heron Djenne Canvasback

"Beats Me" (A Play)

Characters:

Alvin: A class clown middle-school student. Dressed playing in the snow.

Erwin: A middle-school student who is the class president. Dressed for playing in the snow.

Setting: A park

Time: After school. Wintertime in 2000. A small, mostly country, southern US town.

Alvin and Erwin are sitting on a park bench, watching the two feet of slowing melting snow.

Alvin (pulls his gloves out of his coat pockets): Does Hayes Middle School ever use their HVAC? It's either freezing or smothering, depending on the time of the year.

Erwin (puts his mitten-covered hands into his coat pockets): I doubt it. Even Principal Davenport has space heater and a fan in his office.

Alvin: Ms. Briggs obsesses over people wearing their coat in her class that feels like an Ice Age simulator.

Erwin: She's from Alaska, and she's ex-military. Weather doesn't bother her. Clothes are seasonal.

Alvin: I had to write 500 sentences about it. I can barely hold my pencil from shivering. How can I learn in that environment?

Erwin (he tries to zip up his coat some more but it's already at the end of the zipper): I know. It's ridiculous! The administrators don't care about our needs. They're trying to impress taxpayers and increase the budget to pay themselves more. What did you write?

Alvin: I couldn't take the punishment seriously, so I turned it into a joke. Thanks to Mrs. Briggs, my dad beat me in the snow. My dad wouldn't let me get my coat out of Principal Davenport's office first.

Erwin: That's stupid. You can't help that you're cold.

Alvin: I know. She's a control freak.

Erwin: My dad hit me after I read each sentence.

Alvin: I'm sorry that happened to you, man. (he pats Erwin on the back) Small town politics suck.

Erwin: Is it annoying or you too? You're from Minnesota though.

Alvin: Not personally, but I can see most of my classmates suffering.

Erwin (he holds himself to reduce his shivering): Exactly! It's not that hard to see that. Even Mrs. Briggs' lips were blue.

Alvin: The school board is being cheap. That's all. There is no legitimate reason.

Erwin: If it was doable, or made sense to do, I wouldn't mind. But, I'm being punished for my body's reaction. I can't focus, so I can't learn.

Alvin: Maybe we should talk to the news?

Erwin: No! My dad would kill me.

Alvin: Doesn't your suspension end today? What will you do tomorrow?

Erwin (kicks up some snow): Yes. I don't know, dude. I guess that I'll just wear a thick jacket instead.

Alvin (fidgets with his scarf): If that doesn't work, you might be able to wear a hoodie.

Erwin (laces up his boots): That's a good idea. Thanks!

(Lights out, curtains close)