Maybe your heart still stops when you see me

Panic

NINI'S POV

I ran. I ran out of the cafeteria, past the lockers, past the front office, and burst through the entrance doors. My vision was blurry and disoriented from the tears that filled my eyes. every shape and object around me was nothing but a blob of color. I could barely hear anything but my loud sobs. Eventually, I plopped down onto the concrete. I was fully aware that there was a bench right next to me, but the ground, like me, was nothing.

I wasn't crying over Ej's words. Yes, they hurt, but I could live with them. It was the fact that the boy, whom I have liked for years pretended to give me a chance, just to publicly humiliate me. I thought I had seen a different side of him. I thought he wasn't like the jerks he calls friends, but boy, was i wrong. Ricky is nothing but a fake, two-faced, immature, terrible, horrifying jerk who cares about nothing but his stupid vast popularity, and his stupid reputation.

The fact that Ricky had the audacity to lead me on. To make me think that he actually cared. But I guess I was nothing to him. Just like I'm nothing to everyone else. I was just a little project that he used so more people could know his name. He never cared about me. He never cared about anyone. Just him and his stupid popularity. The more I cursed Ricky Bowen's name in my head, the heavier my sobs became. I held my stomach tightly, praying for the pain to leave. All sound was drowned out, so when the entrance doors to the school flew open, I didn't hear them. My sobs slowed as I heard foot steps approach.

"Nini." a soft voice came from behind me. I recognized the sweetness and calmness. I stood up as quickly as possible and ran. "NINI, WAIT." Ricky yelled after me. I stopped in my tracks. He bounded behind me, panting. "let me explain." he pleaded, my back still facing him.

I turned and glared at him. "I don't think there is anything to explain." I spat. To my surprise, Ricky's eyes filled with tears, causing my heart to soften slightly.

"No, nini, please just give me a chance." The pain in his voice broke my heart, but I wasn't going to fall for it. "It wasn't what it sounded like."

"Oh, really? Then what was it?" My voice was cold and sharp. "I can't believe I actually thought I saw a good side of you. Why would a jerk like you even like someone like me. Why did I even want you to?! And now your standing here almost like you care about me. But you don't do you? All you want is for more people to know your name." In complete honesty, I wanted to forgive him right then and there. He stood in front of me, shaking his head as tears streamed down his cheeks. I'm not falling for it. No way. "It's so aggravating that I actually let you into my life. That I actually liked you!" I gasped and clasped my hands over my mouth.

Ricky was shocked by my words too. "Y-you like me?" he whispered, smiling softly.

For some reason, seeing him smiling in this situation made me even more mad. "No. I liked a guy who was sweet and caring. But it turns out it was just a mask, and he's someone I didn't think he was. Someone who isn't worthy of being liked."

RICKY'S POV

nini's words cut into me like a knife. someone who isn't worthy of being liked. maybe that's why my mom was never around. because i wasn't worth it. without me around, her life was better. maybe if i was never born my parents wouldn't fight as much. they'd be happy. i gasped at the thought. if i didn't exist, my parents would be happy.

I looked up to see nini gone. she had walked away while i  was deep in thought. "no! no, no, no, no, no." i whimpered. my heart began beating faster and my breathing was irregular. i kept repeating the word no over and over again, getting slightly louder after each one. before i knew it, my breath hitched and i felt a familiar buckle in my knees. i fell to the ground as everything around me disappeared into a black fog.

________________________________________________

i opened my eyes slightly. i was in a room..? nah it was more like an area. the walls were wooden and the place reeked with the smell of teenage boy. video games and soda cans littered the ground. the place was a mess, but had a familiarity to it. suddenly i remembered what happened.

"nini!" i exclaimed sitting up straight. my eyes met with a pair of thin green ones.

"do i look like nini?" the small ginger kid in front of me laughed. his voice was so familiar. it was almost like-

"big red!" i ran up to the kid and gave him literally the biggest hug possible.

"oh, yay!" he chuckled. "you do remember your best friend from before you became the most popular kid in school and forgot about me."

"forgot about you?" i said, pulling back. "dude, you're literally the only real friend i've ever had. there is no way i could forget." i looked around the basement. so many memories had happened in this place. i could always talk about anything to big red. he never judge me like ej did. back in like eighth grade, ej made me pick between him or big red. gosh i was even a jerk back then.

"gosh, man, i'm so sorry i ditched you." i said, my eyes swelling with tears for the second time that day.

"nah, bro it's coo- are you crying?" he asked while squinting at my eyes.

"it's been a long day." i sighed with a half hearted chuckle. to my surprise, big red didn't laugh or make fun of me like ej would have. instead he said,

"it's fine. hormones are a weird thing my dude. you'll sort out your feelings soon. but don't be afraid to cry. i actually find that it helps in the process of puberty."

i stared at the little dude in front of me to see if he was legit. he seemed to be. no goofy smile or anything. he must have noticed my shocked expression, because he grinned.

"Dr. Phil is pretty fire." he shrugged as he handed me a bottle of water. i took a sip, not noticing how thirsty i was before. i head spun and my ears rang. i had a nasty headache too. i felt like how i do after i have a-...oh boy.

"h-hey, big red?" i stuttered. "how did i get here?"

"oh." big red inhaled deeply, getting ready for the full story. "so, after the whole ej fiasco, kourtney and i ran out of the school to try and find nini, but instead we found you unconscious on the ground, and we were like 'oh no. that's a problem.' then we were like 'did nini knock him out?' but we were like 'no way.' because, let's be honest, she's nini. then i saw you were shaking while being knocked out, and for some reason i remember you telling me, when we were like nine, that you shake while being unconscious after having a panic attack. so kourtney helped me drag you into her car, which was lowkey creepy because it looked we were dragging a dead body, but it's whatever, so we got you here and then you woke up."

i'm pretty sure that was the longest run on sentence i had ever heard. i can't believe i had a panic attack with no one around. my mom always warned me how dangerous that was. i hadn't had a panic attack for like 5 years, but what can i say. nini is going to be the death of me.

"why did you have a panic attack anyway?" big red questioned, breaking the silence.

i looked at him and took a deep breath. "i messed up." i croaked. "i messed up really bad. i sunk back into the stupid image of me everyone sees and i hurt someone i really care about. all i want to do is fix it."

"nini?" big red said softly, trying not to push. i simply nodded and he sighed. "i think you need to give her some space, dude. let her cool down a bit."

i thought about his words. "yeah." i nodded. "yeah space." i looked at the clock in the corner of the room and it was pretty late. i stood up and headed towards the stairs, but before i left i turned. "i've really missed you, buddy." i said with a smile.

"yeah, i've missed you too." he said returning the smile. "and feel free to come over if anything gets too tough, okay? i don't really like finding you unconscious in front of the school."

i laughed. "will do." i climbed up the stairs before shouting down to him. "thank you for everyting."

Authors note:

well, i had this thing written, and it was perfect, then I DELETED IT ALL ON ACCIDENT. anyways i hope you like this chapter! the drama has begun.