Haunted

Twelve

I don't think I've ever moved through a grocery store so fast in all of my life, but somehow I find myself parking in front of Casper's cottage on the edge of the property that the coven's communal home is built on with enough bags of snacks balanced on the handlebars of my motorcycle and stored under my seat to choke a horse. 

I made sure to grab everything on the list that I had pestered Kore for, and then some, and my nephew-in-law promised to deliver the flowers for me himself so I wouldn't have to worry about trying to balance them during the short ride it took me to get here from the shop after stopping at the store. 

I have to take a moment, choosing to bring everything to the door before fishing for the courage necessary to knock on the door, Kore's father having been made aware that I'm about to relieve the two of them from having to take shifts to keep an eye on Casper. 

I would be stepping up to care for my beautiful and broken mate until he's okay again, and then the two of us are going to have a very long talk about what it'll take for him to feel safe enough to go through the therapy he needs in order to start healing from his turbulent past. If Alpha Silas or anyone else needs me they can look for me here or figure it out themselves... I won't be leaving Casper alone to try and process his emotions all by himself or with anyone who isn't me... 

I had wanted to stumble into my mate for the sole purpose of being comforted by their embrace, but never once had I considered that my mate may need comfort more than I do...

Not that I think that he won't eventually return my affections...

Just that I won't be worrying if he can't and I won't be pressuring him to either.

He needs to know that I get it... That I understand why he's so trepidacious about starting anything with anyone when even his own family... the people he had sacrificed his very humanity for had wronged him so many times.

My beautiful Casper with eerily glowing eyes made of a collection of the purest shards of green stained glass backed by the illuminating glow of the hellfire burning within him, the added element brought to his being by forced injections of demon blood and mental trauma. 

As I raise my knuckles to the door I hope I'm doing the right thing... That he won't think I'm overstepping by bringing him comfort food and as many hugs and backrubs as he can handle. I just want him to know that I'm here. 

...

Casper

...

I hear the knock on the door but don't bother getting up to try and answer it...

I know that Bruce will get it. It's one of the reason's he's here... To handle the day to day bustle that I'm not up for at the moment... Well... that, and to make sure I don't try anything stupid.

My family doesn't seem to understand that I stopped trying to take my life a long long time ago.

My inner demon's refuse to let me die, my magic sustaining my body through every single attempt I've made...

Poison...

A dagger to my heart...

Even just letting the curse that they burdened with just consume me...

None of it was enough to put out the fire consuming my soul... I had only served to cause myself unnecessary pain and the exhaustion that comes with spending the amount of magic it takes to heal what would normally be fatal. 

They don't understand that even though I truly do not want to be on this earth anymore, especially after what happened with... 

I can't die...

That as much as I might wish it were different, my rejection of food won't cause me to starve, the thought of dehydration causing a preferred outcome laughable. They could leave me in this state for years and come back to find me much the same. 

Unchanged. 

Damaged beyond repair and undeserving of everyone's attention and time... 

The only thing I have is the shop, and yet I can't even get that right... You can't run a flower shop if you can't manage to pull yourself out of bed... Or if everyone in town hates you. So even if I were to get up and make an effort it would all be pointless... 

Everything since telling... no... trying to tell Liam... It all seems pointless...

Everything without Liam seems pointless...

I don't try and stop the tears when they come to me, the pain that comes with them a welcome change from the numbness that's been plaguing me, the aching of my soul an anchor to reality that doesn't really help me... but doesn't hurt me either.

Whoever Bruce just let in should be aware of what they're walking into, so there isn't a point in trying to stifle my sobs or choke myself on the lump trying to form in my throat. I simply let the emotions and regret of what I am wash over me in hopes that maybe I'll get lucky and drown before the sun comes up again tomorrow. 

....

Liam

....

The inside of Casper's home is just what I would have imagined it to be, a mish-mash of different antiques that most likely weren't antiques when he bought them, and photos hung up on the walls that look like they date back centuries, most of the keeper of my heart posing with different generations, and snapshots of the day to day life that he's been living since his traumatic turning left him frozen and untouchable by time.

It's almost like walking through a museum as Kore's Dad leads me through the living room where he had obviously been camped out watching the last inning of a baseball game back to the kitchen so I can deposit the perishables in the fridge before getting the grand tour of where everything Bruce has deemed essential for Casper-sitting, including the bathroom, snack cupboard, and a very short list of numbers to call in case of an emergency complete with carefully written instructions penned in at the bottom of how to diffuse my stunning little mate if he finds himself charging and armed while caught in a flashback... something I was told I most likely wouldn't have to deal with so many days after the initial triggering of this depressive episode...

Something I was promised didn't happen often...

The instructions at the bottom of the page clearly what works to calm Casper down considering I haven't yet heard of him taking out entire chunks of the town we had been sharing so carefully for months by accident.