Haunted

Twenty

"Liam?" The way Casper's accent curls around my name gives me the best kind of shivers... Ones that make me want to climb into the shower right on the tail end of that fluffy towel so I can wrap him up in it and hug the daylights out of him... But I know that he would rather I didn't at the moment, the moments he's had in the shower with the right amount of space from me had seemingly given him time to decompress enough to give me what almost could be counted as a shy smile when he pops his still damp head out of the shower curtain in order to further draw my attention.

The moment I make eye contact his gaze falls, but not in a way that makes me feel unwelcomed... He's just feeling shy... And probably more than a little overwhelmed with having someone here that actually loves him, and will never stop loving him... And that is absolutely okay. He is absolutely allowed to feel slightly overstimulated by my presence in his personal space, especially when he already feels sensitive and vulnerable...

Even though I hadn't thought I would be welcomed to stay here in the bathroom for the entirety of his shower I still feel my soul twitch when his bottom lip wobbles while working up the nerve to ask, "M-Maybe I could get dressed by myself? Do you think you could excuse yourself while I dress and brush my teeth?"

...

Casper

...

I almost hadn't thought about getting out of the shower with just the towel around my waist... But I would really rather not feel any more self- conscious than I already am at the moment...

My shower had definitely made me feel a bit better, but no matter how long I wash or how hard I scrub I don't think I'll ever truly feel clean... And I feel like Liam, the lovely man that he is, will see it and not understand how I could've stood under the water as hot as it was and for so long and still come out just as filthy as before... I won't ever be able to really explain it to him... That the red stain of blood will never wash cleanly off of my hands... My flesh will always be tainted, and I am not sure that he will ever really understand what it is like to face the rest of eternity with your soul already fractured beyond repair only to continually have it pecked away at by the ghosts of my sins past... He expects me to get out and feel clean... And I feel like he will sense it when I think of myself as dirty, aiming my gaze away from any mirrors until I am clothed so I don't have to see my eyes just as lifeless as those I was forced to cause harm to.

"Oh, of course, Babe! Why don't I go get started on the food? Nuggets and mac and cheese won't take to long, and this way we'll get something warm into that belly sooner rather than later." My sweet mate doesn't even seem phased, the wonderful man taking just a moment to step forward and press his lips to my forehead in the purest form of affection before turning on a dime and waltzing through the bathroom door and shutting it as gently as possible on the way out.

I... I honestly am not sure how to comprehend his presence here in my home... And it is not because he feels out of place...

It doesn't feel as though he's intruding, and I think that that might be what feels so strange to me... Everyone else that forces their company on me when I find myself unwell always seem to make me feel unwelcome in my own space... As though I was forcing them to sit with me and enjoy what are technically their family heirlooms and the history of us on my walls on...

As if it were inconvenient for them to sit here and watch the television I had specifically bought for them to enjoy, myself having no interest in the devilish box, and eat the food that I have kept stock with careful record of everyone's favorites...

I had done everything I could to make my entire family feel welcome here, and yet they hardly ever visit me unless I am catatonic and they feel as though they need to babysit me... With the exception of Kore, of course... The only time they find themselves here is when I don't actually crave their presence, and it had caused more problems than it had ever solved...

Instead, they made me feel as though I am nothing but the family burden... As if I am an imposition on them and their lifestyles...

But Liam is different... If anything, he makes the walls of this house feel less empty, his presence not one big enough to make me feel insignificant here in my own home... But more of a soft glowing warmth that seems to be radiating in the most positive of ways... Color seeping back into my vision when I hear what I think might be him singing downstairs mixed with the opening and closing of my cupboards...

And it dawns on me... That maybe we are the right pairing of mates...

For where I am bathed in darkness and forcefully taken lives, Liam is a bright blindingly warm light that enhances everything he touches with his gentle understanding of the world around him... He is able to accept things just as they are without forcing them to change, whereas I have carved boulders into the earth where men had been standing only moments before...

We balance each other's scales, even if I am hesitant to let myself near him for fear of tainting my gentle beast...

But if I don't dress quickly and let myself near him I might find myself downstairs trying to figure out where he's hidden half my condiments in order to avoid having to break down and settle for barbeque sauce for dipping what I, personally, have deemed the best thing since sliced bread having been alive for the reveal of both, chicken nuggets.