South Park One-Shots

luvbug - Style

Kyle's pov

Trigger warning. Swearing and mentions of depression

I inhaled deeply as I heard a knock on my door. I had almost forgotten Stan was coming over today. Speaking of which, he wasn't supposed to get here until later this afternoon. I slowly dragged my phone closer to my face and saw that it was currently 3:04 pm. Well, damn.

"Come in," I called out as I slowly sat up on my bed. I can't believe it's already so late. Here lately, I haven't exactly been sleeping well. I was always up for days at a time, but when I would finally crash, I would stay down and waste away an entire day. I know this is unhealthy, but there's not much I can really do. I'm just exhausted. Physically, mentally, emotionally. Nothing helps anymore.

"Hey, dude," Stan said as he walked into my room, closing the door behind him. I looked up at him, his bright eyes catching my dull ones. The smile on his face vanished, effectively making me feel worse. It was always like this. Stan was always super excited to see me and, of course, I was glad to see him, too. I just didn't have the energy to act super happy. I didn't have the energy to do much of anything these days.

"Kyle, what's wrong?" I forced a tiny smile onto my lips. I really didn't like making him worry about me. It just proved to me that I truly was a burden.

"Ah, it's nothing, man. I'm just tired," I said casually, trying my best to seem sincere. It didn't work, I could tell by Stan's frown. Thankfully, he dropped it.

"Do you want me to leave?" he asked sadly. I frowned.

"No, dude. I'm happy to see you. I don't want you to leave unless you want to leave," I said quickly, willing him to stay. Even though I'm exhausted and being around people makes it worse, I want him to stay. I want him to stay because when he's around, I can actually feel again. I want him to stay because when he's around, I feel like there is hope, like I can get better. I want him to stay because I love him. I know I shouldn't, but I do.

Stan's eyes studied mine for a minute before he slowly walked over to my bed, taking a seat next to me. I could physically feel him worrying about me, and I hated it. I wanted it to stop. Yes, I'm glad that he actually cares about me, but damn. I hate doing this to him.

"Kyle," Stan started slowly. "I care about you, dude. I know you know that. And I'm worried. I'm worried sick about you. You look terrible. You look like you haven't slept in weeks, I can tell you haven't been eating like you're supposed to, and your eyes. God, your eyes are almost lifeless."

I frowned as I looked down at my lap, picking at my fingernails. I felt Stan's warm hand rest on mine. I slowly looked up at him, his blue eyes looking at me with genuine concern.

"And you're picking your nails, again. You haven't done that since we were kids. Look, I'm not saying all these things to make you feel like shit or whatever. I just want- need you to know that I'm here. You're not alone in this, okay? I know you feel alone, but you're not. You have me. You always have, you always will. I know I don't say this a lot, not as much as I should, but I love you bro. You're my best friend in the entire fucking world, and I honestly have no idea what I would do without you," Stan finished, his voice breaking.

I could feel my eyes starting to water and god, it felt amazing. I hadn't cried in weeks. It felt great to finally feel something other than nothing. I tilted my head up towards Stan and studied him for a moment. His words meant everything to me. They truly did, I'm just sad that he doesn't mean them the way I do. I sniffled, causing Stan to look down at me. He let out a sad sigh and pulled me into his chest. I let out violent sobs as he rubbed circles into my back. I hadn't felt this kind of relief in I don't even know how long.

Stan pulled me into his lap and simply held me while I cried. We stayed like that for forever. Until I finally stopped crying. I was still struggling to breathe regularly, but the tears were long gone. Stan slightly tightened his grip on me, pulling me closer.

"I'm so sorry, Kyle," Stan mumbled into my hair. I frowned as I glanced up at him.

"For what?"

"For not being there when you needed me the most."

"Stan. It's not your fault, okay? I've just been going through a lot. I know you care about me. I know you're here for me, but I just can't come to you with these things. It makes me feel even worse. It makes me feel like a burden." Stan scoffed into my hair and pulled back slightly, looking down into my eyes.

"Kyle, you're not a burden. You never have been and you never will be, because I care about you. A-and, I love you. Not just as a friend or whatever. I'm, like, in love with you. I have been for as long as I can remember."

My eyes widened as I looked at him. There's no fucking way. I pushed his chest and climbed off of him.

"God damn it, Stan. Don't play with my emotions like that. I'm already fucked up enough as it is," I said sadly. He looked down at his lap and frowned.

"I'm not fucking around, dude. I'm being honest," he mumbled. I looked at him, again, in shock. I couldn't believe it. I had been in love with this boy my entire life, and now I'm finding out that he feels the exact same way.

"I'm sorry this is so sudden, but honestly, it's not. I've been wanting to tell you for forever, I just didn't think you felt the same way and-" I cut him off with a quick peck on the lips. I pulled back quickly, unsure of how he felt. He pulled me back into his arms and gently pressed his lips to mine. My eyes fluttered shut as I melted into his touch. Our kiss was gentle, unlike any other kiss I had experienced. It felt like magic. It felt like love.

So, I feel like this one really sucks :/

Anyways, I wanted to say real fast that if any of you reading ever feel like this, if any of you ever need to talk about anything, I'm here. I'm always here to chat or even just listen. Just know that you are not alone <3

I hope you enjoyed this piece of trash. Feel free to point out any errors or give me constructive criticism, it is greatly appreciated :)