deluded ♔ hemmings

little girl

deluded; little girl

b l a k e

Monday comes along before I know it, and I have honestly thought about nothing but Luke the whole weekend. Sometimes I want to go up to him and ask him about his small but sweet acts of kindness.

The morning after the party is the thing that is taking up most of my thoughts. I don't remember much from the party itself, but the few short moments from the next morning eat away at me. They reminded me of the boy that I once knew. The boy that I once loved.

Luke and I didn't talk much that day, but I did notice that he would send me these small smiles everyone once in a while.

My mind wanders to yesterday. His words still echoing in my head on repeat.

"Cal, how many times do I have to tell you?" I let a sigh falls from my lips, looking over at the older boy who is sat on the couch, just a few feet away from the chair I was sitting in. "It was not okay for you to hit Jake. He didn't do anything. I mean other than the fact that he was helping me take my dress off."

"That's the point, Blake. He was on top of the table, helping you strip your clothes in front of the whole goddamned room."

Cal and I have been over this topic at least twelve times since the morning after the party. I guess I can't blame him for his actions, though; I am his little sister, after all. Ever since our mother and father took off to America, Cal has been even more overprotective than he was. I don't agree with what he did, but I guess it's nice to know that someone cares.

"Okay, okay." I run my hands down my face, before sending a small smile his way. "Thank you, but I still think that you should apologize to him."

"No way, never going to happen." Calum sends me a knowing glance.

" What's never going to happen?" I look up and see that Luke and Mikey have made their way into the room. My eyes meet Luke for a second before I look down at my lap.

"Blake wants me to tell Jake that I'm sorry for beating his ass."

"What? Why in the hell would he do that?" Michael questions as he makes his way over to the spot beside Cal.

Well, it seems like I'm on my own on this one.

"Because he can't just go and beat everyone up who lays a finger on me. Not to mention the fact that I did willingly get up on that table, sober or not." I pull the blanket up further around my body.

"Blake, you're my younger sister, and I will do anything  I have to, to make sure that you're safe." I glance up from my lap and send a small smile, Cal's way.

"I know."

"We all would. You know that." Confusion takes over my face. Luke.

I don't say anything as my eyes meet his for the second time in the few short moments that have passed since him entering the room. Did I just hear him correctly? Luke Hemmings, willingly saying something that doesn't make me want to lash out at him.

"After all, Blake. You're still our little girl."

"Little girl," I mumble to myself, walking to my next class. "I'm nobody's little girl. Not anymore."

Walking into the room, I see Camila sitting in her usual spot. I make my way over to her, taking a seat in the chair to her right. "Hey," I say softly.

She looks over at me, her eyebrows furrowed. "Alright, spit it out."

"What?"

"What's wrong with you? You hardly said anything the whole way to school. I let it go because I thought that maybe you were just tired. At lunch, you just sat there with this empty look on your face, but I still didn't say anything. It's been hours, and there is still clearly something wrong."

"It doesn't matter. I'm thinking about a few things, don't worry." I try to send a reassuring smile her way, but I can tell that it doesn't do much.

"Blake, what is it?" She questions.

I press my lips together and look down at my desk. "You're not going to let this go are you?"

"Nope!" Camila grins at me.

"Ugh, fine. I'll tell you after school. You're still coming over, right?"

Camila takes out her textbook and sets it on the desk. "Well, if I wasn't planning on before, I sure as hell am now."

Camila and I finally make it home after a long day at school. Thankfully Cal got his car fixed, so he was the one to pick us up.

"Okay, now tell me. What's got your mind wandering?" Cam takes a seat on my bed.

Taking my jacket off, I walk over to my desk and sit in the chair. "It's Luke," I say softly, spinning around to face her. "I've been thinking about Luke."

"Luke?"

"Yes, Luke. These last few days he's been acting different, and I'm not sure what to think of it."

Camila sends me a short glance before lying back on my bed. "What do you mean acting differently? Go on. Your best friend slash therapist is listening."

With that, I go on to explain the last few days. I start with our talk outback the other night, ending with yesterday when he called me his little girl. "Now I know I'm probably overthinking things, but it's Luke we're talking about for god's sake. The same Luke who has made my life literal hell these past four years."

"He undressed you?" She sits up, looking at me with a crazy look in her eyes.

A groan leaves my lips as I turn in the chair and lay my head against the desk. "Don't remind me," I mutter. "I'm trying my hardest to forget that that ever happened."

"Who knows, maybe he's having a change of heart?" Cam's words come out calm, making me roll my eyes mentally.

"I highly doubt that. There has to be another explanation for Luke's actions. I just haven't figured it out yet."

"Hey," She says softly, standing up and making her way over to me. Her hand falls on my back softly. "Are you sure you just aren't trying to push out the possibility that he cares for you?"

"What do you mean?" I sit up fully and look at her.

"I mean, these last four years Luke has been a complete ass to you. You lost your best friend over something that I don't think that even he knows fully. Cam's eyes soften as she looks down at me. "I think you're scared."

I frown, looking away. "What would I be scared of?"

"You're scared to accept that Luke might just be realizing that he's been a dick. You're afraid to fully admit that he's himself again because you don't want to let him in again. You don't want to let him in, and then he up and leave you alone again."

I close my eyes, tears starting to well in them. Maybe Cam's right. I don't want to let him in again, not after what he did to me. Luke was my everything at one point, and I thought I was his. I was mistaken. Otherwise, he wouldn't have traded me in for barbie dolls that he would have over every night.

"Cam," I look up, a tear falling down my cheek. My throat feels tight, and it's hard to speak. "I am scared. I am terrified of letting him in. What if he leaves me again?"