Save me (Severitus)

Chapter 14

Authors note:
To be completely honest, I haven't read Harry Potter in years, and the series really helped me when I was growing it in fact I think it saved me (aha get it). I had created this when I was scared and needed guidance like I did when I started reading Harry Potter. I would like to say I'm not scared anymore, I'm totally pumped for next year and the challenges it may bring. It is to my absolute delight you guys are liking this. I hope you enjoy this.

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Snape's POV
    I sit and drink Harry's coffee and reread the day old paper. Once I'm finished, I walk into the kitchen. It's time to make the boy our usual breakfast. I am not one for confections or sweets, so breakfast typically consists of scrambled eggs and toast. Tea, milk, or orange juice are his choices of beverages.

I am still astounded that he did something for me, yes I took him in, of which he should be grateful, but I also haven't been much but cold and stoic.

It brings me to a time when Lily and I would go to her house and her mother would be making pancakes for us. I had loved pancakes after that, they brought me to a happy place. I guess I can indulge the boy just once. Let's hope I don't burn the damn things.

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Harry's POV
I hope he isn't mad at me, he doesn't look mad. Or is that just his normal face? I should know I've been living with him for a while now. How long has it been? What's going to happen? Does he like me? Have I been a good boy? Why hasn't he hit me?

I don't understand, I guess I never understood the Dursleys either, in fact I feel like I don't understand anything except for what's written in plain sight of these text books, but even then, can I trust the books?

I forgive Dudley, I forgive Aunt Petiuna, but I don't understand the bitterness I still feel about Uncle Vernon. Maybe it was the fact when Dudley was gone and I was in the garden, I could still hear the yelling and fighting.

I just hope this man likes me and is willing to help me. He just looks sad and angry all the time. I only see joy when he is out in his garden of potion ingredients. This expression he has now I don't understand. I feel so confused and upset, but I must never ask. That might make him turn on me, I like the understanding we have now. The quiet house, easy rules and overall comfort. Despite my curiosity I enjoy the comfort and I don't want to test the waters of what is allowed quite yet. In fact, this atmosphere is comfortable I never want to test the waters, but I'm sure I'll find a way to muck everything up.

"Harry, breakfast is served," I hear from the kitchen.

I try to calmly walk in and take my seat, but my stupid hands are shaking.

"Harry, thank you for thinking of me. I'd never hurt you. You are allowed to make mistakes too, now eat." Snape says from across the table. I feel like crying, I feel so suspicious about everything, I feel like Uncle Vernon is going to pop-out and say, "What did you think? No one could ever love you."

I silently drop my head and let my tears escape and hope he doesn't see them.

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Snape's POV
I can tell he crying and I can tell he's trying to hide it, just like I did. I decide to stand and come over to his chair. He still doesn't lift his head then.

I calmly crouch down, which my knees still protest to doing, and grab his hand. I understand this is a panic attack and the child has had many. He is just so good and hiding it. I rub soft circles on his hand and we don't speak.

Suddenly he suddenly slinks out his chair and moves to my arms. I start rubbing calm hands on his back. He starts speaking gibberish I can barely understand something about his Uncle. I am infuriated, this man can be out of sight for a month maybe more, and he will still haunt the child's mind forever even with care and affection, well I don't know if I give affection but I do certainly care. From my own demons, I know they might haunt him forever. The boy doesn't need an angry man he needs comfort so I push everything away and tell myself I'll have a sit in my office and think when he goes to sleep.

For now we sit together. And we did so for an unknown amount of time.

Harry quickly stands up and mumbles, "Thank you," before retreating to his room. I don't know what I expect, he's scared, and I'm a cold shadow of a man. No child could ever seek comfort in that. I sit with my head it my hands. Absorbed with thoughts of self hatred and loathing. Then I feel a small hand on the left on back. I move my gaze to the left of the floor. It's Harry's feet. He came back for me. I feel like crying, of which I don't. His hand moves to my shoulder, and I quickly grab ahold of it. Rubbing circles as I normally do.

"Thank you," I say looking at him right in his eyes, reminding me of my promise. Harry just smiles down at me, I give him the smallest of smiles back, I watch as he walks to the living room to play with the television on making background noise.

    Maybe we do offer sanctuary for each other. I have to keep my mind and soul guarded I need to talk to Albus and get him to tell me what to say to Voldemort. I must sort my feelings and suppress my thoughts tonight if I don't my life and Harry's life is in danger. I need to teach Harry occlumency as Voldemort grows stronger he needs to have his mind guarded and strong. I just hope we will have enough time.

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A few hours later
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Snape's POV
    I hate walloping in my own self pity. I hate pity in general. The boy is fast asleep and doing well. He ate well today and took all of his potions no problem. He is really growing on me, he makes this house not so solemn and decrepit. I remember buying it, in 1980 one year before Lily and James died. I bought this thinking I could salvage a friendship and get rid of my ties to Voldemort. Now her son resides here and she's dead. I slowly sip my firewhiskey and let the world die out around me. He could've been my son, if I hadn't been so stupid. I could've had a family. He could've been mine, I guess he's mine now anyways. I wish I hadn't had been so stupid and self-absorbed. I could've saved lives, if I had just done things that were hard, stoped walloping in my own pity and hatred, as I do now. The only life I have left to save is Harry's. I have to, for my own sanity.

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