Angel Of Mine

7

I have no idea where w are but it. Is. Beautiful. It was a crystal blue lake surrounded by willow trees and bushes filled with tons of different flowers.

The bushes are wonderful and eye-catching. A single bush had plenty of different types of flowers. I bent down to one and it had lillies, roses, tulils, and roses. It was absolutely gorgeous but the entire area was breath taking.

"They're called ever trees" i heard a voice speak up "the bushes are" i guess he noticed me gaping at it.  "Wait, the bushes are called ever trees? That doesn't make sense" i said, he defended himself "hey, i didn't name them i just told you what they were called. You did seem to like them" i chuckled at him.

I stood up as he walked towards me, he grabbed my hands and said "lets go for a swim, it'll be fun" i try to dodge by saying "is this just an attempt to see me without my clothes on?" He just laughs "for one, i've seen you naked when i changed your clothes the first night you stayed with me, and for two it wasn't originally the plan but it would be a bonus" he smirked as he pulled me closer by my hips.

I put my head down to hide my blush. I mainly just don't want to admit that i can't swim, instead he picks me up bridal style and runs me around. I laugh at his attempt to be cliche.

I open my eyes to see he's going towards the lake "wait-" splash i'm in the water. I flail and kick but can't seem to get up to get air, i inhale but instead of air i choke on water. I keep flailing but eventually i feel a pair of arms grab onto me.

When we finnaly get back onto solid ground blake speaks "you can't swim?" I cough up some water before answering "no, i just drowned for fun" "so why didn't you learn?" I shoot him a glare "think about the logic of the situation, i grew up in heaven where the inly source kf water was rain and then spent the next four years of my life in a cell that i only escaped from about a week ago. When would i learn? More accurately where?"

He looks down with embarrassment on his face but i don't care. I stand up and begin to wring out my clothes. "Look i'm sorry, i didn't know-" i interrupt him "no. Ofcourse you didn't! Because you don't know anything, if you did you wouldn't like it. I don't tell you these things because it's not important or it's so important you'd freak out."

"Look i'm sorry. I want to be there and care for you, be with you but to fo that i need to know everything" he grabs my hands "i'm sorry, do you forgive me?"

I look at my hands only to realise my sleeves are pulled up 'oh no' i pull my hands away and tug my sleeves down "yeah i guess i forgive you" he grabs my hand again "what was that about?" He pulls my sleave up "wait!-"

He runs his hand along my bandages and pulls them off to eye down my scars and cuts. "When did this happen, why did you do this?" In my mind i thought 'so many reasons' but i looked up into his eyes and couldn't say anything. Eventually i end up saying "i'm sorry, i'm so sorry" my voice cracked but all i could do was look down in shame.

He hugged me "i'm sorry if i'm the reason you did this, i know i haven't been a saint lately" at this point i don't even want to cry i just feel guilty "no, don't be sorry. I just- i'm just hurting so much lately that i take it out on my arms and- i'm sorry"

He is still hugging me so he begins to rub my back. Odfly enough the next thing he says makes me feel so much worse "well i guess we both have battle scars" i just shake my head "no, i'm just weak. You should never have known"

"Hey, don't ever say that. You are one of the strongest people i know, but i don't want you to do this again, it's not healthy and despite you're belief you don't deserve it"

After a moment i sigh knowing that he's probably right. He speaks again "now promise me you won't cut again" i look up and nod. "No, i need to hear you say it" i laugh a little at his determined mind "i promise" thenn he lifts my head and our lips meet.

The kiss was long, but not long enough. Despite the cut still present his lips they were soft and warm. The kiss was amazing but i couldn't believe it was happening.

When he pulls away i'm left shocked and breathless, he flashes his gaze down then back to me "was it that bad?" I couldn't help but to smile "it was perfect, you're perfect" he blushes and kisses me again "i love you" i'm frozen.

He loves me... Do i love him? I don't know yet. I don't even know what love feels like. "It's ok if you don't say it back, whenever you're ready" he looked sad "-or if you don't love me that's ok too..." My heart fell "it's not that i just- i fon't know what love feels like..." He pulls me onto his lap "you'll find out someday" he smiles and i smile back.

He lays his head on my shoulder, i play with his hair and laugh "i swear i don't deserve you"  then the voices come back.

You're right, you don't deserve him, he doesn't love you you're just a burden. If he cared for you at all he would have known about those cuts a long time ago, or you wouldn't have even made them. You really are worthless if you didn't know that. You should just kill yourself, it would make him happy, it would make you happy for once. Juat end it. End the suffering. End it all.

I whimper out a "no" and blakes head shoots up "no, what?" I shake my head "just hold me" he happily obliges and i curl up into his chest. "Do you really love me?" The voice made me start doubting him "what? Ofcourse i did. You're my everything" i continue to look at the lake 'but how can i trust you?'

You can't, everything he says is a lie.

I tried to block out the voice but it wouldn't stop, i just hold onto blake and enjoy his warmth. I don't know how i feel or wether to trust him right now but in this moment it doesn't matter, because for once in four years i feel safe and warm.