Luna's Heart

Chapter 39. Dread

x Gray x

Life is a mystery.

We have our ups and downs and things that make us afraid.

For me I rather not talk to my mom about everything that happened when I was a child and with my sisters. But if I don't ask or talk about it, I know I won't get closure. I've been holding on to this for too long. I know Rosie is worried about me. I know I've ben acting off since breakfast that morning.

We did talk a bit about it but isn't enough.

Just talking to her will hopefully help me. Rosie thankfully went to visit Elora and Nick. She brought Luca with her because he has become very fond of Lexi and baby Rosie. I look at my mom as she sits on the couch. She looks at me.

"Where did you disappear to after he died?" I ask her straight tout. If we start here maybe it will get easier.

"I fled to Europe. There were people coming after me because they thought your father was a monster. They thought I had a hand in it. If I didn't run, I would have died." She tells me plain and simple.

"That makes no sense. Why would others think he's a monster? I know he was hard on me for sure, but a monster? I wouldn't even go that far. Please explain so I can make sense of this mother." I ask her placing my hands together. I want to know without her being cryptic.

"Well I heard inklings about Alpha Dax. About how he wanted a better world where everyone submitted under the rule of one. Your father, most say, was aligning himself with Alpha Dax. I can't say if its true or not. Even with you fighting him before he died. He never said if it was true. So most thought your father was starting to think the same way. I couldn't risk losing my life because of something that most likely wasn't true. If I died you and your sisters would have been in harms way." She tells me frowning. I can feel her pain, but I can't be sure if its true or not.

"Ok. Why was he so hard on me? I could never understand why he would be like that with me and so cold. Yet he showed the girls love and adoration. Why is it that nothing I did was ever good enough?" I ask trying not to let my annoyance and heart ache show through.

She hesitates. She runs her fingers along her nails one by one nervously. I know this is hard for her as well.

"Mom please. All these years I've always wanted to know why nothing I did was good enough in his eyes. Even when I became stronger, faster and tougher to be the Alpha I am. I know I have a big heart, and am caring. I am firm and fair, an Alpha that so many respect. So why is it I was a failure in his eyes?" I ask her. I know I'm grinding my teeth, which is causing my head to hurt.

"Graham you have to understand your dad wasn't heartless. He loves each of you. He just didn't know how to show it to you because he knew you'd take over as being Alpha one day. He wanted you to be able to stand on your own two feet without second guessing yourself or looking over your shoulder. He wanted to make sure that you were able to be you and not have to depend on another to make sure that your doing the job you were meant for. You were meant to be an Alpha and he knew it right away. He was hard on you because he saw something in you that he never got or had. He saw hope, a future where things would be good." My mom tells me opening her heart up to me about it all. Her emotions are just as varied right now and spilling out.

"Your telling me he was hard on me because he wanted me to be strong enough to stand alone? So, he what, couldn't give me thats my boy or praise me because he didn't want to what stroke my ego as a child? Mom I think I can understand that. I mean now I can look back on it and who I am now. But growing up that way is hard and I always felt like a failure." I tell her trying to make sense of it all.

"Sweetie. He was never shown any praise growing up himself. He was never shown an ounce of love or guidance growing up. Just orders. I know he may not have showed you his love like he did your sisters, but he did his best. He only showed what he was shown himself. He was very proud of you and the man you were becoming. He just couldn't tell you because he didn't know how to." She tells me sitting closer and putting her hand on my leg.

I nod slightly trying to process all of this.

"What happened to Remy and Lyra?" I ask looking at her as I try relax my jaw. She removes her hand from my leg.

"They both grew up to be fine young woman. Both found their mates years ago and have a few children. I know you haven't been in contact with them since you were basically forced out of the pack when your father died. But they are happy. It hurt me to see you have to leave. I've been back to visit them, just before I came here and that pack is actually happy and thriving like this one. The person who became Alpha for our old pack is actually a great man and is making sure all are safe. I hope one day the three of you can reconnect." She tells me with a soft smile.

"I'm glad that they are doing well mom. I know it couldn't have been easy leaving us like you did. Just things weren't easy growing up. I do miss them but what makes you think they'd talk to me. I know there's rumors that I'm the one who killed our father." I ask her.

"Those rumors are only spread because they wanted to blame someone for the accident when in reality your father did it to himself. You need to ignore those that point the blame at you because you know you didn't do it. I know it wasn't easy for you but you turned out like the gentleman you were meant to be Graham. I am proud of you for who you are." She tells me seriously.

"I know. Thanks ma. Just after all these years learning the truth its just hard to take it all in, in a sense." I tell her with a straight face as I try to digest it all. So much to go over.