IF ONLY---I COULD FORGIVE MYSELF

Chapter 3

All the anticipation and excitement that Can had felt for his upcoming adventure, had somewhat diminished to a degree of anguish. Not fully knowing what had caused this change of heart, he had to push through his thoughts and continue as planned. Still thinking of the events that had transpired two days prior with Sanem, all he heartache and disappointment, Can was thankful that she was still going to be part of his life. There was a part of him that would never be able to let her go. She had opened his heart to a love that he could never forget.

He still couldn't understood the amazement of Leyla and Emre when he told them that evening that he and Sanem had decided to remain friends as they both went their separate ways. He still loved her but the trust issue was a problem that he couldn't overlook right now. He just needed time!

With him flying out the next day and needed to get his head clear.  The thought of her still so vivid in his mind. He wondered if he was doing the right thing, but she had left him no choice. Unfortunately, sleep did not come easy for him that night. Try as he might his heart seemed to be tied in knots and nothing was helping. He read, he listened to music, he watched tv but every nerve in his body was on high alert. This would harder than he thought, this thought of walking away. How could someone do that if they really loved? He felt the emptiness of the love from his mother and how she disappeared from his life without a thought. 

" This is stupid" Can yelled out loud as he held his phone in his hand. "Why would I be afraid to call her and tell her I'm heading out? Just call man, it's a simple phone call." He stared at her name on the phone, that feeling of regret was growing. He quickly turned off his phone, "Well I guess I'll call on my way to the airport she may not be up yet." He settled in his taxi and checked to make sure he has all of the necessary paperwork for the trip in his carry-on bag. He couldn't shake this feeling--of dread or fear. Come on Divit get it together.

He pulled out his phone and scrolled to her name once again, Just the sight of it had made his  stomach feel funny. He dialed her number------waiting....but she didn't answer. It's still early, he thought, maybe she's in the shower... but, she knew I was leaving today and I would be calling her. He knew she would see that he called and call him back before I board the plane, no big deal....anyway that's what his head was saying....

Waiting to board and getting anxious, he was worried that she hadn't returned his call so he rang her again. She didn't answer. That's strange, he thought, but there could be numerous reasons for her not to answer. I'll send a text to let her know I'm getting ready to board. ..

He typed....."Hey, tried to call but didn't get through. I'm getting ready to board, Talk to you soon!".......Send.

He started to call Emre just as they called his flight. I'll call him as soon as I land. Ok Divit, lets go---concentrate on the business at hand. 

He headed for the gate feeling that heaviness in his heart, like maybe he was making the biggest mistake of his life....but he walked on