IF ONLY---I COULD FORGIVE MYSELF

Chapter 4

The buzz in the literature world for the summer season had been a writer's workshop and seminar to be held in Chania on the Crete Island. She had been hearing about it for months and she was very excited about the possibility to attend.

She and Leyla planned every detail to a fault and were determined to pull it off. She had rented a small cottage on the coast just on the outskirts of the town. It was close to the community center where the seminar was to be held, easy walking distance.

With Leyla's help they convinced their Mom and Dad to let her attend. It would be a huge boost for her experience and she would meet all the necessary people to further her career. Never mentioning that the shadows and ghosts of Can Divit that surrounded her everywhere she went, was one of the main reasons she wanted to run from Istanbul.

It had been a week since Can left and she was on her way to the airport. She would fly to Chania, emerge herself in her writing and start the new life that she so desperately needed. The calls from him were coming more and more frequent and the texts had done a major overload on her phone. The stress was almost too much to bear. But deep inside she longed to answer just one of his calls, just to hear his voice.  His calls to Emre were demanding and aggravated as he inquired to know her whereabouts.

"Emre, I have sent over 50 texts to her and called more times than that!! And nothing. So what's up, where is she?" Can's message to Emre was filled with anger and even desperation. Emre had to choose his words carefully for they had given their word they wouldn't tell her secret.

"Can just relax, why is it so important for you to speak to her?" Emre tried to sound nonchalant with the question.

"Because I haven't been able the to talk to her since a couple of days before I left and that wasn't our agreement!" he said.

Emre quoted to him a conversation they had before he left, " Abi, you told me and Leila both that you would take this time to work on yourself and start to rebuild your life. So what has changed, why the urgency to talk to Sanem." That, of course did nothing but irritate Can more. "Anyway, I don't even know where she is." Emre bantered. Can was insistent on him finding out where she was, and told him he call back when they reached the next location.

" All I know Emre, is somebody better have an answer when I call back." His words were strong and harsh, letting Emre know he meant business. 

But after three weeks and a several more phone calls, Emre was still serving up one excuse after another to him, with none of them being what he wanted to hear. 

Can was getting more and more agitated, how could she do this to him....but he knew the answer all to well..........he had hurt her, maybe he hurt her to much....