clumsy | l.h.

five

"it's the same old thing, like every single day, you tell me that you're trying, but I know that you're lying" - Josie / Anarbor

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-Violet-

"Are you sure you don't want me to come with you tonight? I feel like you're going to want a buffer." Sydney gave me a small frown, already sensing that I was not looking forward to the night ahead of me.

I shook my head, "No, that's okay. It'll be fine, I just need to try and keep my opinions to myself."

I was heading out to dinner with my mom and her latest boyfriend. Probably another loser or deadbeat who treated her like crap. And she expected me to sit there all night and not tell her what a mistake she was making once again? It was exhausting.

Ashton walked by me, grabbing a beer from the fridge, "You know you're not going to be able to do that right? Especially after you just told us what a bad day you had at internship."

I frowned, wishing he hadn't brought it up again. I had turned in a bunch of shots to my supervisor today, and he was less than impressed with them. He said that they weren't up to par with the work expected by major publications, and I was really going to have to do better if I wanted to make a name for myself. Not exactly the thing you want to hear when your dream is to work for a publication.

"It's fine, I'm putting it behind me. No need to start bringing those insecurities into an already uncomfortable dinner." Even so, I knew I couldn't forget about it that easily.

"Sure, Vi. That totally seems like something you can do. Just try not to bite this new guy's head off before dinner is served." Sydney gave me a smirk before heading to her bedroom.

I sighed, putting my head in my hands. My words were muffled as I spoke through them, "Maybe it isn't too late to just cancel."

Ashton sat down at the stool next to mine, "Nope, you're not cancelling. This is a great opportunity to show your maturity. Prove to your mom that you can give someone a chance."

I lifted my head and frowned at him, "And why should I give anyone she dates a chance? She has the worst judgement."

He grabbed one of my hands and gave it a small squeeze, "Look, I know this isn't easy for you, but you have to at least try. She's your mom."

I forced a small smile, slowly pulling my hand away, "I know, you're right. I'll do my best."

I gave him a quick wave before slipping away into my bedroom to finish getting ready. Ever since we went bowling, Ashton was trying to make more moves. At first, I didn't mind all that much. I was even starting to entertain the idea of maybe giving him a real shot. He had asked me if I wanted to go out again, and I told him I would consider it.

Something had changed, though. I didn't know what it was, but I didn't feel like I really wanted to actually be with Ashton anymore. Something just didn't feel right. I knew I needed to talk to him about it soon, because I couldn't keep leading him on like this. I just didn't know what to tell him, or how to explain why I didn't think things were going to work.

I went to grab my purse and saw the flower still sticking out of it. I smiled a little and pulled it out, careful not to break the stem even more than it already was. My first reaction was to toss it in the trash, but I stopped myself before I could. I looked at it for a moment before placing it on my nightstand. I just couldn't part with it.