there's no way | ethma

Twenty Six

Emma's POV

"Emma, I don't think that's a good idea." Luke said. "I just think that we've both moved far away from the chapter of our lives that we were involved each other's lives. I don't know what's going on, but I know something really bad had to happen if I'm the one you came running to."

"Ethan and I broke up."

"Emma, what happened?"

"He told me that he thinks I have a lot of healing to do, and that I need to be able to love myself before he can love me properly. I just, I guess I had in engrained in my head that he wasn't gonna hurt me, and that's what makes it hurt the most."

"Emma, sometimes people hurt the ones they love the most. It's a universal human mistake."

"I just feel like he lied to me because he said he wouldn't let anyone hurt me, and then he's the one who ended up hurting me."

"Emma, listen. I know that you're hurting right now, but I'm not the one you should be running to. I think that it's that best you and I stay away from each other. I hope that you can find some peace somehow. I wish you the best."

And with that, he was back in his apartment, and I walked back to my car.

It took me a while to start driving again, but this time I knew of a better place to go.

I pulled into the parking lot of the cemetery, and walked to my parents grave site.

I sat down, and took a deep breath.

"I don't understand love. How can people just leave? Why does everything I love get taken away from me all of the time? Why do I lose everything? Why did he leave me?" I ranted. "I miss you mom and dad more than anything. If it weren't for that stupid drunk driver you'd still be here with me and Joe. I'd do anything to hear your music again, dad. And mom, I wish I was as good at cooking as you. I miss all of the food made. I'm just tired of love being so complicated. Thanks for the chat, mom and dad. I love you and miss you."

I got up and went back to my car, starting to drive and blasting some music. Driving is a good thing for me sometimes, because it clears my head.

-

I don't know how the hell I ended up driving all the way out to Arizona State University, but here I am at a party there.

They have a reputation for being a party school.

I had a couple of shots for liquid courage before I joined the dance floor. There were hot guys all around me. Ethan who?

It really helped me to forget about my troubles for the moment.

I felt my phone in my pocket going crazy, so I stepped into a hallway.

"Hey, Olivia."

"Emma, are you drunk?"

"Getting there."

"Where are you?"

"Arizona State."

"Why are you in Arizona?"

"They have good parties here, Liv. I didn't want to go to a party at UCLA tonight because Ethan might be there. I just wanted some fun, so I came to Arizona."

"Emma, just stay safe. I'm coming to get you." Olivia said.

"What about my car?"

"Emma, you've been gone for hours and no one could reach your phone. Joey drove out to UCLA to help find you. He's coming with. I'll get your car home, and you can drive home with Joe."

"Fine."

"Stay safe, love you."

"Love you too, Liv." I said, hanging up. I put my phone back in my pocket and went back into the dorm lounge where the party was at, getting myself another couple of shots before I rejoined the dance floor.

Some cute guy started dancing with me, and soon enough he started kissing my neck. There was a gaping whole in my heart where Ethan used to be, and by partying with other guys, it was distracting me from the pain I was feeling.

He started making out with me, and I obliged. Anyway, I continued dancing with people and drinking, and before I knew it, Olivia and Joey arrived.

"Come on, Em." Olivia said, gently pulling my wrist. "Let's go home."

I was super drunk at this point, so Joey helped me into Olivia's car, and he buckled the seatbelt around me while I was laying down.

I gave him my car keys, before Olivia and I left, and Joey left with my car soon after.

I feel a big lecture coming on tomorrow.

Olivia has to pull over a couple times so that I could throw up, but then I passed out in the backseat.

-
Ethan's POV

I feel terrible that Emma drove all the way out to Arizona.

What the fuck.

I know that this breakup is tough on both of us, but due to circumstances, I think it's better for her and I to not be together right now.

Just because you love someone, doesn't mean you're right for them. I just think that Emma needs some time to heal from Luke.

She doesn't love herself enough because of the way he treated her. She doesn't respect herself enough to expect respect and real love from others.

I was just getting so tired of her not letting me love her the way she deserves to be loved.

I needed to do what was right instead of being selfish and staying with her.

If I'm gonna be with her, I need her to expect that I'm going to treat her right.

She almost questioned every nice thing I ever did for her, because Luke always made her feel unworthy of a healthy relationship.

I think that the reason I started sleeping with someone else is because now that Emma and I aren't together, I needed to distract myself from my own mind.

I know I hurt Emma, but I'm just trying to do what's best for her. I have to live with the guilt that I broke her heart.

Maybe I can distract myself enough to not worry about it for now. I know she'll be living rent free in my mind anyway.