Mine not Mine

Twenty Six

The past days since I gained my consciousness. No one came to visit me expect for Hannah and Aksel. I wonder if he told his parents about this but I'm sure he didn't say anything at all. Well, I think that's a good thing. I don't want to bother mom and dad as well. They're too old to give something to worry about.

If my calculation is correct I'm here for more than a three week already. It's the twenty-second day since I gained my consciousness. I hope Khael wouldn't be worried that he never heard anything from me since the night he dropped me off at my house. I do really hope he is fine too. How about—

My thought line was cut off when I heard a knock on my door.

"dinner time" said the nurse.

"leave it here" said Aksel and the nurse without another word left the room. Is his voice really that powerful that few people words could command an army to stop?

I can feel Aksel's presence coming towards me as his hand landed on my cheek caressing it with his warm touch but I couldn't feel anything for him already. My heart is now so calloused and cold.

"You gotta eat now" he said and assisted me to rise and sit. I still couldn't see things, but for five days of rest I'm starting to see a little clear.

The doctors said that stress caused my temporary blindness. I should rest, get much sleep and eat healthy which I tried to do for the past days.

Aksel would come here by night and all I am with during the day was Hannah. I knew she would come, Aksel couldn't find anyone who knew all things about our relationship better than Hanna an Rev. Thankfully Olli, their daughter, is on vacation with her grannies.

"Open up now" he ordered with his voice tone low but I still couldn't feel any. Not to make things hard for him and me, I just have let him feed me and didn't say any word until I finished all the food and took the medicine.

Afterwards, he carried me and sit me on the wheel chair. "Take a fresh air outside before you go to sleep." he said and pushed my wheels. We stopped the moment we reached the elevator and got in. We're going to the rooftop garden like he would usually do every night this past 6 days because the doctors said so. Going out and taking some fresh air would help me.

Silence is our communication and I hear more things clearly than when we speak. For kore than three weeks he sleeps here. When I wake up he's already gone and it's Hannah's turn to look after me. At night I can hear him work, the  sound of his Macbook's keyboard, papers, and etc. I can't see him but I know his just near. I love the silence we have the past weeks, no foghts and arguments. I feel happier that at least we are okay. I remember when we were young we were really really good friends. Laughter all around but that's not the case now. If things didn't happen... if...

I shake that thought off of my head. Finally the elevator door opened and we got out. The cold night wind welcomes our arrival, the city lights are dancing before my very eyes.

What is this!? What a beautiful lights. I wanna cry but tears won't come out maybe it runs out of water already.

Then we reached the bench with plenty of green fresh plants. Aksel stopped and sat. I didn't look at him because I am not ready to see his face yet. But I am also happy to feel his presence near me. So calm. Why didn't we get to this? Why didn't we had a chance before to be like this— just at peace with each other.

I wonder what's on his mind. I know he's tired from work and still would come here to take me out for fresh air every night.

We remained seated in silence for a couple of minutes. Listening to the cars, watching the lights around and enjoying the cold night breeze. Then, I heard he stood up I know we're about to leave and be back in my room again. It's another good night for me and even if I still want to go back I now that I have to.

I'm gasping the air as if it's the last time for me to enjoy it when suddenly Aksel stood in front of me and knelt down to level himself to me.

What is he doing? I don't want to see him now. I wanna speak and say I could now see but I don't want to ruin this moment. His eyes are on my face. He's scanning all the details as if he is memorizing it. And when the wind blew my hair a little to my fave her tucked it in my ears. He remained in silence, as if he knew I don't know that he's looking at me now.

The face I unexpectedly saw, hidden when we're young. The face that made me fell in love. The face that causes me pain. But also the face that could take all the aches away.

Why? do I have to suffer this much? Should I let you go now? Or should I stay for a little bit more.

I hope my eyes have shutter to photograph this very moment that we have. But why do I have this feeling that it feels like every second is the last. I want to say him the words I have kept in my heart for years. I know this must be the perfect time to tell him so. I breathe deep, and opened up my lips.

"Aksel—" I almost whispered and he leaned closer to me to hear my voice.

"I —"

*ring ring ring*

An incoming call cut me off. And I know that this is not the right time.

"one second" he said took his phone out. I glance quick at his phone screen and saw the name "Fiancé " calling.

I watched him for a couple of seconds to think if he would answer it or to not. If he would choose to hear what his fiance would say or what I want to say. If he would choose her or me.

Please choose—

"hello?" he answered the call.

And, just like that I finally get the answer— to let him go.

***

Hi guys! Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed it. Have you ever had a moment like Sierra? Unable to make a decision and just in one action had led her to the final decision? Thank you again for reading this. I am still on the process of proof reading and checking the lapses.🙂