Thantophobia

Chapter 22

As soon as Arina left, my body completely freaked out on me.

I started to hyperventilate and shake. Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe I shouldn't have given her a chance, even if it was temporary.

I stand up out of the booth and walk out of the cafe, feeling like I'm floating but also sinking deep into water. It's a hard feeling to describe, but it's what is happening with me at this moment.

I completely blanked on where I went or how I got to my next destination, but I was knocking furiously on Jaden and Berkeleys door.

Eventually, I see a tired Berkeley in a bathrobe with messy brown hair open the door. She rubs her eyes, still trying to wake up. It was around 9am.

"What the actual hell Kyle?" She grumbles. Before I could say anything, she takes my wrist and pulls me into her comforting house.

"You reek of my brother." She let's go of my wrist and I follow her to her kitchen, where she begins to brew some coffee.

"I'm leaving." I blurted, unable to contain myself.

Her eyes went wide, then furrowed curiously.

"Leaving? Where? When? How? Ok, start from the beginning." She tries to figure out her thoughts verbally.

"Not for long. Two months, maybe less depending on how things go." I shakily play with my fingers.

"Ok, I'm sorry, this is still not making any sense. I told you to start from the beginning." She faces away from me to grab some half and half from her fridge, and fixes herself up a cup of coffee.

"I'm a beta." I say, and she freezes.

"Since when?" She scoffs.

"Since forever. Well, since six years ago, when I met you guys."

Berkeley is totally shocked at this point, to frozen to even notice that some of the half and half started to overflow in her coffee mug as she poured it. The sound of liquid hitting against the counter snapped her out of her frozen trance, and she put down the carton to grab a towel and began cleaning.

I open my mouth to begin explaining again, but I don't say anything when I hear her chuckling.

"Oh damn, it's too early for this. Why the hell do you think you could just lie to me for six years about being a loner? And never belonging somewhere?" She said as she threw away a few paper towels.

I stop playing with my fingers when I realize I had been scratching at the edge of my nail, making it bleed. I clasp my hands together in front of me and lay down the top portion of my body on the counter.

"Life is shit, Berk. I ran from my pack because I never wanted that life again for...reasons," I pause I was conscious of the cold ring around my neck pressing gently against my skin from the angle I was in.

"Then why are you going back?" She sips her coffee.

I shrug. "Honestly I don't know. Maybe to get answers I guess? Get my wolf back? I don't want too but I'm beginning to think I have to do it."

Berkeley sets down her mug, and places her hands over my clasped ones.

"Kyle, I swear to the moon goddess, if a bitch is blackmailing you into going you can just make a subtle sign and I'll know and I'll help you."

I pull away, rolling my eyes. "I'm not being blackmailed. These are just my thoughts. And Ransom also suggested it."

She sharply inhales. "Ransom is impulsive, and most of the time it doesn't work in his best interest. Are you positive he was being serious?"

Well, considering he told me what traumatized him for life right before he suggested I talk to Arina, I'd say he was being serious and had given it some better thought than I had.

I nod. "I want him to come with me. And I also want you and Jaden to come as well."

Her jaw dropped. "Go with you? Where? How long?"

"Ohio, and like I said earlier, two months or maybe less depending on how well things go." I give her a facial expression of 'are you being serious right now?'

"What the fuck is in Ohio?" She shakes her head.

"My old pack. My old home." I try not to growl out of anger.

"I can't. I have my job, my home, and my life here as well. I can't just drop everything and leave. Besides, I don't do packs. Never have, never really will." Berkeley bluntly tells me.

"What if Jaden agrees?" I tilt my head.

"That's up to him. We'll work it out somehow if he decides to go with you for a little bit." She takes another drink.

"Would you at least think about it? Give it some thought?" I carefully pick out my words.

Berkeley hesitates. "Okay. I won't give you a definite answer until after Jaden and I talk about it. How about that?"

I smile. "Works for me."

———

Things were serene. Peaceful.

I looked into his blue eyes and smiled. Everything is perfect right now.

His hands felt right in mine as I felt my mouth moving to say "I do."

I'm reliving our wedding.

The preacher turns to my blonde mate and asks him all of the same marriage binding questions he just asked me.

But his smile faltered.

No.

"I don't." I hear him say, and my bright smile turns to a frown full of confusion, hurt, and betrayal.

"What do you mean 'I don't' ?" I ask him as he pulls his soft hands away from mine.

He takes a few steps back off of the alter, the crowd of our families, friends and pack members now vastly disappearing.

"I don't love you." His blue eyes hold back no emotion, and I know that he's lying when he says that. His eyes say one thing but his mouth is saying another.

I shake my head and blink back tears. "You don't mean that."

He slowly nods. "But I do."

I try to cover my mouth as I fail to hold back a scream when his neck quickly turns Scarlett.

I begin to run to him, but the preacher holds me back. I look back to the preacher to snap at him and tell him to let go of me, but instead I see the face of the man who murdered him without a second thought.

I'm stunned, and I turn back to watch my mate die for the millionth time right in front of my eyes as I can't do anything.

———

I shoot up in the bed screaming, Ransoms hands already on me to try and calm me down.

I shake them off, my dream mind still on and thinking that it's the man I hate the most.

My body was hot but I was sweating and shaking. I tuck my knees into my chest and wrap my arms around myself, all while my mind slowly comes back to reality and that I'm back in Ransoms bed, safely with him.

I haven't been able to sleep back at my apartment ever since I came here, and it's slowly benefitting the both of us, but that doesn't mean that we don't have hard nights like this.

I felt his hands slowly touch my shoulders again, and this time I don't shake them off.

I let him guide me into his chest for comfort, the nightmare just repeating itself a million times a second in my fucked up mind.

"It's alright, Deer. I'm right here."

I let his voice slowly submerge itself into my head, replacing the dream.

"I'm here."

———

(I just found out that THE Lucky Blue Smith is from my state and only like 15 minutes away from my city ARE YOU KIDDING ME WHY DID IT TAKE SO LONG TO FIGURE THAT OUT AAAHKASKSKAKKA)