Evangeline Lawrence has a secret. A big secret. One involving her birthday, the player, August Griffin, who's (almost) like a brother to her, and a kiss the night before he ran away. No one else knows about it, aside from August, of course, and Evan...
"Hi, this is Lisa. I can't come to the pho- Muffin! That's my shoe! Gotta go, bye." Beep.
"Lisa, call me back soon. I need you're help." I sigh and end the voicemail.
Please call soon, I think. I did not go hid in this hotel bathtub for nothing. Outside the small bathroom, I can faintly hear the snores of my parents. I didn't want to wake them up with my midnight call, so here I am.
There's a cramp in my leg, and as I move to try to get rid of it, my phone starts vibrating.
"Hi."
"Hey, girl. What's going on?"
"Um..." my voice breaks.
"Are you okay?"
"No." Great. Now it's wobbling. "I...um...I don't know where to start."
"How about the beginning?" Lisa suggests.
"Okay. Don't get mad at me, though. there's a lot that's happened in the last couple days."
"I'll try. Now spill."
"Um...okay. Here it goes. So I went to the place Nathan's renting with Ben and it turns out that Nathan told August to come. He said I needed help but I don't know if August knew what the nightmares were about. Apparently my parents knew that he was there and they didn't tell me. I don't know if they alerted the police, I should probably ask. Anyway, I got really pissed and told August he had hurt me and to fuçk off. Then I got in the car and drove to a beach in Maryland, and he found me hours later, I still don't know how he did it. Then I yelled some more, and we ended up spending the night in a motel together. And then I thought I had been and idiot to think he could ever like me, so I started apologizing and then I left. He found me again and tried to tell me that he liked me, but didn't like me? I don't know what he was trying to say. So I got pissed and told him to leave me alone. Then I went back to Nathan's, but he beat me there and Ben thought it was the perfect time to introduce us to his boyfriend. And guess who that was?! Mark!
"I told Ben all about Mark, and August was eavesdropping so he heard everything. Then I kissed him, and Mark saw. Mark tried to kill me and stabbed me about an inch too high. I had to go to the hospital and they fixed me up, and eventually I left. Then, out of nowhere, August tells me he doesn't love me, and I didn't believe him, but God I'm so tired of his indecisiveness. So I told him to call me when he could look me on the eye and tell me he loved me and was staying.
"Then guess what? He went back to the house and started talking to Ben and Nathan and I was listening it he doesn't know that. Anyway, he admitted that he lied and that he does love me, but he's left anyway. Why doesn't he trust me enough to tell me the real reason he doesn't want to be in a relationship? Why did he leave?"
"Okay...wow. I've missed a ton. Give me a second to process everything you sa- wait. Did you say you ALMOST DIED?!"
"Yeah, I did."
"Okay. Okay. Um...wow. Are you okay?"
"Physical, yes."
"What? Oh, August. Right. Angie, can I ask you something?"
"Sure," I answer hesitantly.
"Have you considered that August could be...bad for you?"
"...yeah." I admit.
"I just don't think this is healthy. I mean, don't get me wrong, he seems like a good guy, but he just keeps dragging you in circles. If I were you, I'd probably wait awhile before letting him in again. Let him sort out his shit, you know?"
"I guess."
"Oh God, Angie. You could have any guy you wanted. Either get someone who treats you right, or wait until he will. Just don't get stuck in a loop."
"I just...I want him, but...I want the old him. The one from Avila Beach. The one from NYC."
"But we all get what we get. He might seem perfect for you half the time, but the other times you don't understand him at all. As long as you love the good side enough to put up with the bad, it's okay. But, if I'm being honest, it sounds like you have doubts. Which is fine, but I really think you should give it time. And have a girls night. You definitely deserve it." I laugh at bit.
"I really do."
"Yeah. It will be the first thing you do when you come back in a couple days. Don't worry, I'll set it all up."
"What did I do to get such an amazing BFF?" Lisa laughs.
"Thanks, sista. You should really get some rest though. It's like, 1-ish, right?"
"I think but..."
"But what?"
"I don't know what to do!" A couple tears run down my cheeks. "I'm so confused and tired and sick of this mess. I'm tired of hating Mark and loving August. I don't know so much and I can't figure out anything! I can't even sort out my own feeling!"
I start to cry. Water runs down my face and splashed into the tub. I don't like crying, but I'm so hopeless and everything's messed up. It's not going to be okay, and I know that. Because if you wanted shit to be okay, you shouldn't have played with it in the first place.
"I don't know what to say. I wish I was there with you, but since I'm not, just let it all out and talk to me over the phone."
"I want life to go back to being simple. I wanna go play in the sandbox or slip down the slide. I don't want to be here!" I sob and more tears fall down my face. Part of me registers that it's silly for me to cry. I didn't cry when I was stabbed in the heart, both literally and physical, why should I now?
But I'm passed the point of caring. If Mark wanted someone to push around, he shouldn't have pushed me. And if August wanted a perfect girl, I sure as hell won't be the one for him.
I'm so tired of these boys I mistook for men.
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