bringing lucy home

Chapter 34: wanting

Lucy was right. It was perfect. Keira knew it was. But there was something in the back of her mind, something pulling at her heart, making her feel like something was missing. Of course, it was perfect. But...something wasn't. It took her a long time to figure out what it was that was weighing on her mind, that was keeping her up at night and was distracting all day at training. And then it came to her, she realized what she was wanting that wasn't there.

She was happy, Lucy was happy. But maybe that was the problem. Lucy seemed so desperate to commit to something, when she was searching for something to make her happy like football did, when she was 110 percent dedicated to the Stretford Union Blues, leaving for training every morning before Keira got up and coming home late at night after Keira gave up on waiting for her and went to bed alone. But Lucy was happy, and that made it ok, right?

She was happy too, she was in prime form at City, she was captaining every match and the club she loved and played for were serial winners, claiming every trophy in their sight, one after the other. She came home every day to a beautiful babygirl, the joy of her life. She was living the perfect life with her best friend, finally ending up together after thinking she'd lost her. Everything seemed to be working out.

But while Lucy was always hunting a challenge, stalking every opportunity, searching for new adventures daily, all Keira wanted was a happy ending, something steady and stable, something she could rely on. Sure, she could rely on Lucy. Lucy would give the world for her. Or would she? Keira struggled every day with these questions. Because right now, Lucy wasn't looking for a change, she wasn't seeking anything in the future and that made Keira sad.

It made Keira sad that Lucy seemed desperate to commit to something, to anything...anything but her. They'd been engaged almost 2 years now, and still weren't married.

Keira wanted to bring it up to Lucy that night at Nandos, she wanted to pour out her heart to her best friend. But seeing how happy Lucy was, finally, just as things were, she kept herself from doing so. She smiled, some of them real because she couldn't help smiling around Lucy, but most of them were fake smiles she used especially when Lucy brought up how happy she was, how perfect everything was, just the way they were. She wanted to be glad for Lucy, she was glad for Lucy, but she wanted more.

She couldn't feel complete if their relationship was unsettled like this, but she didn't want to seem needy to Lucy. Lucy was so tough and independent and chill...now it was her turn to feel like a nervous kid. Why was she hiding from Lucy, her fiancé, her best friend? She didn't need to impress her, she didn't need to put on a good face. She knew that Lucy would hear out anything she said, she knew that Lucy would give her anything she wanted. She knew that if she told Lucy she wanted to be married that it would happen, before she could say a word. But she didn't want to bother Lucy with it.

She knew Lucy had a lot of stress on her mind, however happy she was. Lucy couldn't live without pressure, it fueled her to greatness. But too much of it might break her. Lucy had not only the Stretford Union Blues to manage, who were taking over the U17s league like a storm, and were coming up on the semi finals, but she had a kid to worry about and her own private issues. Keira didn't want to hurt her by telling her that she'd been feeling sad about not being married, and she didn't want to pressure Lucy into a wedding. She knew that Lucy did things on her own terms, and she'd bring up when she wanted to have the wedding. She didn't want to force anything. But until things were settled about it, Keira lost sleep and it consumed her mind. And worst of all, Lucy didn't even seem to notice.