bringing lucy home

Chapter 42: haunted

Lucy stumbled into the house, almost falling through the doorway, surprised it was unlocked, and in no state to piece together why it was magically open. She stood there, unsteadily, in the entrance of the house.

"Keira?" she called. Her voice echoed through the house. "Keira? Keira Walsh?" She fumbled into the kitchen drunkenly, her nose twitching as the tears formed in her eyes, fear taking over her. Keira wasn't there.

Keira wasn't in the garden, either. She wasn't in the bedroom. She wasn't in their house. Keira was gone. Lucy's lip quivered, her breath catching on sobs with every attempted inhale and exhale. "Keira?" she whispered, tears falling down her face. She let them.

Panic consuming her, she rushed to the baby's room and stared at the empty crib. Her heart shattered. "No! No no no! Milly!" she breathed, dropping to her knees. She buried her face in her hands, letting the sobs rattle her entire body. "No, no, no," she kept repeating, uselessly, to herself.

She stayed there in the darkness of the empty house, bawling numbly till the very earliest of morning light shone through the drapes in Milly's room and streamed across her face. It was worse being in the house alone in the daytime, she could see clearly in the light everything that reminded her of Keira, the pictures on the wall, Milly's empty cradle, the mess Keira had made in their room as she had hurried to clear out her things, and the memory of Keira in the things she had left behind. She closed the door of their room, it was too haunting.

This whole situation was so painfully familiar, it was like her whole life had run in circles. She remembered feeling all this before, being completely alone and broken, with no one to turn to as she missed Keira so much it made her sick. Last time she had left Lyon, Keira had taken her back, Keira had built her up again. There was no chance of that this time.

She felt miserable and conflicted. She was deeply sorry, so sorry that she hated herself, for everything. She couldn't believe she had hurt Keira like that. The guilt overwhelmed her, she felt so sick and so alone. Maybe it was the drink of the night before, maybe it was the sleepless night in a ball on the floor of Milly's room...no, Lucy knew it was the remorse of what she was putting Keira through that made her dizzy, like her head was spinning on a high speed merry-go-round, making her nauseous.

She hurried to the toilet, vomiting all over the bathroom floor. Shaking, her insides aching, her throat burning, she shuddered. She leaned on the bathroom counter for support, looking into the mirror at the mess of a woman she had become. She looked away with anger. Turning on the shower, she stripped down and stepped in, letting the burning water hit her skin.

She stood there, numbly and miserably as if in a trance as the hot water drenched her, dripping off in streams down her eyes and nose, washing away and tears and makeup and filling the room with steam. Keira's hurt voice filled her head, her words hit Lucy's chest like knives in her heart. "I cant believe I let you in again. I cant believe I let you break my heart, again." The tears fell, swirling down the drain with the shower water. Lucy hugged herself tight, shivering as the hot water poured all over her. She let it fall over her, soaking her, wishing she could drown in it. How could she have let this happen? She couldn't believe herself for hurting Keira.

She had never been more sorry in her entire life, and she had never missed anyone so miserably than she missed Keira in this moment, despite the fact it had only been several hours since she had last seen her, since Keira had ran away from her. "We are not playing this game anymore. I'm leaving." Lucy didn't know she was really going to leave. She closed her eyes as the water ran down her face. Now Keira was gone, and she had every right to. Lucy even hated herself for expecting Keira to hang around, to come whenever she called, to stick with her no matter what she did. How could she have expected Keira to drop everything for her new job at f@ckin Lyon. Lucy didn't think she wanted it anymore.

But then again, it was the opportunity of her lifetime. She didn't want to waste the biggest chance of her life just because Keira Walsh was being moody. This was all she'd been dreaming of and more. She knew that she would take Lyon's U-21s so much farther than the little Stretford Union Blues. The thought of leaving the girls she had become such an important figure for made her regretful but here in England, they'd just be running in circles. With the youth of the most prominent womens football club in the world, Lucy could make a dream team. She could have all the success and satisfaction in the world. She could make the perfect life for Keira and Milly.

They already had a perfect life, she reminded herself. Had a perfect life. Now Lucy was all alone, Keira had left and taken with her Lucy's child and Lucy's heart. Thing could never be the same again, not in Lucy's mind. She might as well move on to Lyon, take things as they are. She slammed her palms against the tile of the shower wall. The ongoing battle in her mind was too much. Stop it Lucy! Stop fighting yourself! You know the right thing to do, why don't you f@cking do it for once in your life!

Keira had always, always, always been there for Lucy. It was well time Lucy reciprocated. Yes, that's what she needed to do. She needed to wait here for Keira, she needed to apologise, she needed to make things right. Reluctantly she shut off the water and wrapped herself in a towel. She brushed out her hair and then walked out into the main room, taking her phone from the pocket of her jeans. Sitting on the sofa, she dialed Keira's telephone number, a muscle memory.

Keira didn't pick up.

Lucy sighed, and called again. And a third time.

Keira, please call me back. She texted urgently.

She called two more times with no success, and threw her phone with anger across the room, letting it hit the wall and fall to the floor. She screamed into the pillow next to her, screams which turned into miserable sobs.

She wondered if Keira was right, was she really being selfish this time? She had been telling herself this whole time that she wanted to go to Lyon not just for herself but for their family. Did she really mean it? What about making Keira drop her entire career at City, where she was happy and successful and doing what she loved and was born to do, was 'good' for her? What about taking Milly and Keira away from their new home and life here in Manchester was 'good' for them? Lucy fought her own reasoning.

But Keira left, she was done with Lucy. Lucy wondered if maybe she should just...leave. Like Keira did. Go her own way. This wasn't going to work out, waiting here on Keira. She knew if she left, again, she might never be welcomed back in her life. She might never see her fiancé or her child again. She might never see her friends or family again. But she had the biggest opportunity calling her name only a few hundred miles away. And all she had to do was call.

Slowly, shakily, she walked across the room and picked up her phone, still functional though a long crack ran across the screen. She was breathing hard as she sat back down, her heart beating way too fast. Sniffling back her tears, she opened the phone and her finger hesitated over the keypad. She had two options of who to call, and her choice would change her life forever.