bringing lucy home

Chapter 40: going home

Keira dashed out the restaurant and stood in the night air, gasping for breath. She clutched the top of her head. What just happened? Her heart beat in her throat, her head spun. She got into the car, turned on the ignition, and sped out of the car park, trying to get far far away from Lucy Bronze, not knowing or caring how Lucy'd get home.

It probably wasn't a good idea to drive home alone having drank so much. It probably wasn't a good idea to be alone at all. She turned up the radio to full volume, as if closing out the outside sounds of the present would at all change what had just went down. She finally gave up and switched the music off. Every song reminded her of Lucy. She gripped the steering wheel tightly and angrily. She wasn't used to feeling this hot, she'd never had to vent her emotions like she did now. She was too angry to cry. As she squeezed the steering wheel, she glanced at her hands, taking a deep breath that caught when she saw the ring on her finger. A bright diamond reflected in the moonlight coming through the windows and shone in her eyes. The ring looked just like it had when Lucy had first given it to her, that night at the City Academy training pitch.

Furious, shaky, broken hearted, Keira steadied the wheel with her knees as she fiercely pulled the ring off her finger, throwing it in the console between her seat and the passenger seat. Her heart rate fast, her breath heavy, she just wanted to get Lucy out of her head. The ring, still glinting light around the car, was a perpetual reminder of the former defender. The Lucy Bronze who gave her that ring didn't exist anymore. That Lucy Bronze had loved her. But now...they weren't the same. They weren't who they used to be, both of them. They were like shadows of themselves, living in the same circumstances as before physically, but not there at all mentally or emotionally. How did it happen, Keira asked herself, sighing and leaning her head against the headrest. How did they let themselves become like this?

Keira didn't know the answers to everything. All she knew is Lucy was never really the same since she first went to Lyon, and even though Keira tried to help her, tried to stand by her, even though they both tried to make this relationship work out, it didn't. Neither of them were the same people they were when they both fell in love at preseason training with City all those years ago. Keira, hopeful as always, tried to believe that they could become that again. But now she saw it really wasn't possible.

Maybe she and Lucy had grown up. Maybe it was for the best. But she still wanted Lucy. Even though it felt almost forced, her heart still beat for Lucia Roberta Tough Bronze. But people change, even the best of them. And now she felt like she didn't even know the girl she was in love with. They'd become so cold, so distant, however much they pretended like they were ok. Maybe if they'd addressed it sooner, this wouldn't have happened. But it wasn't just Lyon that was between them. It was all psychological, Lyon was just the trigger word.

And to think she'd gone out with Lucy hoping Lucy would care about her for once, hoping maybe Lucy would notice her, hoping she'd mention something about the wedding. Why did she still want that? Because no matter what happened, Keira would always want Lucy. She'd always go back to her. She'd always love her.

She sat in the car for a few minutes, letting the engine hum beneath her, watching the steam from the car make clouds in the cold night air before the headlights. Finally she turned off her car and went inside the house.

The babysitter was on the sofa, watching TV and stood to greet Keira. Usually Keira would have a chat with her about Milly, what they did, did Milly go to sleep well, did Milly eat, but not this time. She hurriedly paid the girl and sent her on her way. The babysitter silently noticed that Keira came home alone.

Now alone in the house with Milly sleeping in the other room, Keira exhaled deeply. She made her way down the hall to her and Lucy's bedroom. Standing there frozen in the doorway for too long, she watched the line of light the moon projected across the room. She didn't want to even go in the room, everything was there to remind her of Lucy, the girl she wanted to forget. She finally worked herself up to go in her room, and opened the wardrobe, taking down a big adidas bag, unzipping it and throwing it on the bed.

The wardrobe smelled like Lucy. Her hoodies and shirts, hung there, giving off an orangey, woody scent that took Keira back to only the night before, when she had been laying peacefully in Lucy's arms, when she was at least pretending to be happy, when she and Lucy were together. She brushed aside these thoughts and pulled some clothes from the wardrobe, tossing them in the bag. She took anything she could reach, throwing it in a pile on the bed, rushed for no reason, her heart rate accelerating at just the thought of Lucy. It filled her with anger but also memories she tried to ignore.

Almost all her possessions were presents from Lucy. This watch, that necklace. These shoes, that jacket. A sob escaped her lips. She fell back on the bed, holding her arms tight across her chest and her hand clasped over her mouth so that she wouldn't cry aloud, scaring Milly who was sleeping peacefully and innocently down the hall. She had to get out of the house immediately. It was too much.

She stopped packing, zipped up her bag and slid on her shoes. She went quietly into Milly's room, standing over her crib for a while. She couldn't help thinking of all the times she'd stood there with Lucy by her side, admiring their child.

Their child. It was enough to make Keira hesitate before taking Milly in her arms. She wrapped the sleepy baby up in a little coat and walked out the door, leaving it unlocked for Lucy who she knew would come home sometime, absolutely wasted. She fastened Milly into the car seat and drove off into the night. Taking control of the steering wheel with one steady hand, she texted Steph with the other.

"Steph, I'm coming home."