Let's Not Falling In Love (1st Book) (FIXED)

Me, Myself

​“So all of you knew about it already?”
​Nayeon had asked me to explain my condition to the other girls in the house, only for them to tell her they had known all along.
​We were sitting around the dining table. “All this time, you hid it from me. I was the only one kept in the dark.” She looked furious.
​“We just didn't know how to tell you,” Sana offered, casting a gentle glance across the room. “And besides, we found out by accident.”
​I sat trapped in the middle, staring back and forth, unsure of how to react.
​“I can’t let her—or him, or whatever—stay here,” Nayeon said, pointing a sharp finger in my direction.
​“But unnie, she’s a girl,” Momo argued on my behalf. “She just happens to have… that.”
​“Girls don’t have those,” Nayeon scoffed, letting out a dry chuckle.
​“She has a woman’s chest, too,” Momo countered, gesturing toward me as the room grew heavy with tension.
​Nayeon turned her cold gaze toward the blonde girl. “Fine. Let me ask.” She leaned in, her eyes so sharp I felt like I was looking at a stranger. “Are you a girl, or a guy?”
​“I don’t know,” I murmured.
​A collective hush fell over the room.
​“You don’t know?” Nayeon laughed in disbelief.
​“I was born with a chromosomal disorder,” I explained, taking a slow, steady breath. “I have male anatomy, but my female genes were active, too. When I was a child, it didn’t look like a typical boy’s body—it was small, ambiguous. My mother decided to raise me as a girl, mostly because she already had my brother and desperately wanted a daughter.”
​I paused, feeling the weight of the room on my shoulders. “She kept giving me these pills, telling me they were vitamins, but they were actually hormones to boost my estrogen. That’s why I developed a bust. For a long time, I believed I was just a regular girl. But as I grew older, my body began to change toward a man’s. I’ve lived in constant confusion ever since, because my mother insists I am her daughter.”
​“So you don’t even have a clear sense of self because you're confused about your own gender?” Nayeon said, her tone cutting.
​“Unnie!” Momo snapped, cutting her off before she could say anything worse.
​“You’re a guy,” Nayeon insisted, standing up. “You can’t live here. Leave.”
​“You said you wanted to help heal her broken heart,” Momo pleaded, standing up as well. “She gave us a chance, and now you’re doing this? You’re just angry because you were the last one to find out!”
​“I am not!” Nayeon raised her voice. “I’m just following the house rules. Only women are allowed to live here.”
​She turned away from the rest of us. “Pack your things.”
​“We can let her stay,” Mina chimed in softly. “Her mother and aunt sent her here.”
​Nayeon whipped back around. “Should I call your aunt? Does she know about this?”
​“No, please,” I begged. “Don’t tell anyone.”
​“See?” Nayeon said, gesturing toward me. “His aunt would do the exact same thing if she found out.”
​“Jeongyeon has never been dangerous, nor has he ever been a burden,” Sana argued softly—the same girl I had turned down several times. “If anything, his warmth brought us comfort.” She looked at Nayeon pleadingly. “Unnie, don’t drive her away. Can’t we just pretend? Can’t we just accept her as she is?”
​Nayeon let out a heavy, tired sigh. “Either he leaves, or I do.”
​The room fell completely silent.
​“Stop,” I said, rising from my chair. “I’ll leave. I won’t ruin your friendship. I’ll go home and talk to my mother.”
​I walked into my room and closed the door behind me, leaning against the wood as I caught my breath. What will happen to me when I tell my mother the truth? I wondered, staring aimlessly at the four walls around me.
​I pulled my suitcase out from the closet and began packing my clothes. I had only lived in this house for four months, yet so much had unfolded in such a short time.
​I slung my backpack over my shoulders, picked up my suitcase, and tucked my acoustic guitar under my right arm. When I stepped out into the hallway, the girls were gathered outside my room to say goodbye. Only Nayeon remained at the dining table, her back turned to me. I lingered for a moment, hoping she might turn around—hoping to see the face that used to bring me so much joy one last time. But she didn't look back.
​“Jeongyeon,” Momo whispered, wrapping her arms around me. Tears pooled in her eyes.
​“Hey, don’t cry,” I said gently, wiping a stray tear from her cheek. “We can still see each other.”
​“Really?”
​I nodded, and a faint smile touched her lips as she pulled back to let the others say their goodbyes.
​“Can I kiss you?” Sana asked softly, looking up at me.
​“You really do love kissing, don’t you?” I let out a weak smile, leaning down slightly and pointing to my left cheek.
​She rested her hands on the back of my neck and pressed a tender kiss to my skin. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Momo glancing away, trying to hide her envy.
​“Thank you,” Sana whispered, stepping back.
​Mina stepped forward next, wrapping her arms tightly around me and resting her head in the crook of my neck. “I’m sorry,” she murmured.
​“There’s nothing to forgive,” I said softly, resting my chin on her shoulder. “If anyone should apologize, it’s me.”
​“No,” she whispered. “I hurt you.”
​“We’ve both made mistakes,” I replied, gently pulling away. “We’ve apologized, so it’s alright. I should head out now.”
​I picked up my suitcase and guitar. “I hope your bond stays strong after I’m gone. Goodbye.”
​They stood arm in arm, waving goodbye with bittersweet smiles. Nayeon remained motionless at the table. I gave her back one final glance before turning around and walking out the front door.
​When I arrived at my parents’ house, they were stunned to see me. I explained everything that had happened and pleaded with my mother to let me live as a man, rather than forcing me to endure a life of endless confusion.
​“Mom, please,” I said, my voice trembling with tears. “If I carry on like this, I’ll never be able to marry, nor will I ever be able to be a proper parent to a child. I’ll be condemned to spend my life entirely alone.”
​She stared at me for a long moment. “Fine,” she said coldly. “I will let you live as a man. I will handle the legal paperwork to change your identity.”
​A brief glimmer of hope washed over me, but her next words cut it short.
​“However, you will no longer live under this roof.” She folded her arms. “In fact, you will leave the country. I do not wish to see you again.”
​I blinked, unable to comprehend what I had just heard. “W-what?”
​“Leave,” she reiterated, her gaze icy. “I cannot have people finding out I have a child like you. It would bring shame upon our family. Take the money I give you, start fresh somewhere far away, and do not return.”
​“She is our child!” my father protested, stepping forward. “You cannot treat her this way!”
​“We ceased having a daughter the moment he decided to become a man,” she retorted bitterly.
​My father stood silent. My mother was the undisputed head of the household—a successful businesswoman who owned over ten Japanese restaurants across the country, while my father worked as a chef in one of them. He had no say in the matter.
​Tears streamed down my face as she walked past me without a second glance. How could a mother say such cruel things to her own child? I hadn't asked to be born this way.
​My father wrapped his arms around me, holding me tight as I sobbed into his shoulder.
​“I’m so sorry about your mother,” he whispered, gently stroking my hair. My older brother wasn't home—he was busy preparing to inherit the family business.
​As I wept in my father's arms, a hollow thought echoed in my mind: Do I even have a mother anymore?
​It has been a year since that day.
​Now, I sit on a park bench alongside the river in the city that never sleeps. The New York skyline towers above me, bathed in the soft glow of dusk. Gazing up at the evening sky, I wonder how the girls are doing back home in Korea.