the candle burns beside my bed
flame flickering softly.
hand held over the flame,
the heat doesn't bother me.
like a ballerina, the light
dances along the wall.
my eyes drift slowly closed,
heavier with each blink.
self-preservation tells me
to blow out the candle
before I go to sleep.
I ignore it. cars drive past, the wind
rustles my hair.
the noise of the tires coursing
by, hitting the pavement,
calms me.
The thud of each wheel hitting
the pot hole by the stop sign, it
eases my nerves.
I cross the road, I need to get going.
Instinct says "look both ways"
it's easy to just pretend I didn't
hear my mind's whisper. I shave my legs in the shower,
at least when I have the motivation
to even get a shower.
The glide of the razor, the smooth
feeling afterward, is so satisfying.
sometimes, I try to see how fast I can
complete the task.
Sometimes, I close my eyes and try
to do it from memory.
And if I nick myself a few times,
well, the blood flows away with the
stream of water that goes down the drain.
Easy to not be bothered by something
that so easily disappears.Peek in from the balcony window
And you would think I'm "just fine".
You don't see how close my fingers get
To the knife's edge as I chop vegetables.
Don't recognize the way I conveniently
Forget to eat breakfast... and lunch.
Okay, and sometimes dinner too.
I have no courage, no desire even to
End my life.
But I surely won't treat it with care either.
I ripped the "fragile" sticker right off
The wooden crate box that is my body.
YOU ARE READING
I Was Once a Sunflower
PoetryThis poem collection will be about who I used to be, searching for myself, and living when I didnt want to. They are sad, this description serves as my trigger warning.
