Hide and Seek (not continuing)

Chapter 18 - The List

*unedited*

[Camille.]

It’s been a week since I had made up with Harry but I still felt guilty. I just wish he understood why I had acted the way I did. I’ve had some bad experiences in my past with people who did things behind my back. Someone close to me and my family held so many secrets that it finally destroyed us. That was why I was always so guarded, although that wasn’t an excuse for the way I handled the situation with Harry.

He wasn’t mad at me though, in fact he had come up with a ‘theory’, something that he thought would help me. He had suggested to make a list with things that scared me and things I hadn’t done before. I didn’t know what it was for, but I went with it anyway.

“Ok,” Harry said, opening the brown leather journal that he had just gotten out of his bedroom, “tell me about the things you’ve never done before.”

I didn’t really know what kind of answer he wanted me to give him. I’m sure there were a lot of things. From the corner of my eye, I already was Harry writing down something.

“What’s that?” I asked. Moving closer to him so I could read the first thing on the list. I saw the word ‘Boat’ written down in quite a neat handwriting – didn’t expect that by the way – and I thought about the time we went to the harbour. He continued writing and I saw all my fears appear on the list. I didn’t know he had remembered those?

“Anything else you are afraid of or haven’t done before?” he asked, and I met his gaze, realizing his face was closer to mine than I wanted so I moved away a bit. He didn’t mind though and waited for me to answer him.

“I don’t know, I suppose there’s a lot.”

“How about things you missed out on because of your anxiety?” he asked. Ok, so he wants to have a deep conversation about this again. Well, as long as he thinks this list is going to help me somehow, I guess I’ll just answer his questions.

“Uhm, I never really went to a party…” I said.

“Really? Why not?”

“I just don’t see how it could be fun. It’s a room filled with people dancing to crappy music, not to mention scary drunk people who touch you whenever they want to… Ugh.”

“So you never went to one? Not even when you were a teenager? How old are you by the way?”

“20 and nope I’ve never been to one. I didn’t really do the things that other people my age did.” I shrugged.

“Oh, I figured you would at least have been to one with your boyfriend or something. I know me and the lads enjoy a party from time to time. Liam goes out with his girlfriend a lot.”

“That’s another thing…” Ok, the conversation was about to get really awkward. Harry stayed quiet as he waited for me to continue. I sighed and went on with it.

“About the boyfriend thing… I also never had one.”

He looked suprised. “How come? You’re sweet and pretty, I’d imagine you had a list of men waiting.” he laughed, not noticing the blush appearing on my cheeks.

“It’s not that no one ever wanted me, it’s just…” I sighed, did I really want to tell Harry about this too? He had stopped laughing though, looking at me worriedly.

“You ok?” he said gently. I nodded and decided just to spit it out, to tell  him the one thing that probably scared me the most. However, that didn’t mean I would tell him the reason behind it, of course.

“Yeah… It’s just that I’m terrified of falling in love.” I admitted and looked away. He must’ve noticed I didn’t want to elaborate on this subject so I heard him write it down on the list before he spoke up.

“I think we have enough for now.” he stated en ripped out the page and gave it to me, causing me to meet his gaze again. Only now I started wondering what the purpose of the list was.

“What do I have to do with it?” I asked, accepting the piece of paper.

“Simple, do the things that are on the list.” Wait what? He expected me to do all these scary stuff? Especially the last one he had written down? He is insane for thinking that I would.

“I think you play it safe too often” he continued. What did he even mean by that? I was trying the best I could.

“This list will help you to get out of your comfort zone. You’ll learn to take risks. Of course, I don’t expect you to finish the list all at once. Just take small steps, I’m sure it will help you in the long run. After you’ve done all of these new things, not much more will scare you anymore.”

So here I am, one week later, still wondering when Mr. Popstar had turned into Mr. Psychologist. The paper lay in front of me but I still wasn’t quite sure what to do with it so I put it in one of my drawers and decided that I would look at it another day.

Harry and I had been hanging out a few times this week when I wasn’t at school or when I wasn’t working. We didn’t do much, we usually met at his hotel room to chat or watch a movie. He didn’t bring up any … subject anymore so I wouldn’t get uncomfortable. It was nice being around him, he had the worst jokes but I would laugh anyway. He also came by a few times when I was working at Le Bouquet. He always ordered a cupcake along with his lunch or tea but asked me everytime when I would be making cupcakes again. According to him, Alex didn’t make them as well as I did. I couldn’t agree more. Although I was getting used to working in the front of the shop, I still got very nervous whenever I had to talk to someone. Thankfully, Harry would always encourage me and tell me I was doing well. His words made me calm down every time and I felt more confident doing my job.

I kind of had expected him to come by this midday too, but he didn’t. As if on cue, my phone vibrated and my ringtone started playing. As soon as I saw his name on the screen, a smile played on my lips.

“Hi Harry.” I said after I picked up the phone.

“Cami, hi! How are you?”

“Quite alright, you?”

“Fine, too.“ he answered, and stayed quiet for a second. “Oh, right, I called you because I forgot to tell you something. I’m back in London.”

I was shocked. London? Why?

I could think of only one explanation: Harry had decided to go back already. And he didn’t even say goodbye.

[A/N.]

Hi! Sorry for the long wait! Blame college.

I was also wondering what you think of the story? Do you think it's going too slow/fast? Do you want me to elaborate on anything? Cami and Harry's friendship? Cami's friendship with Natalie? Cami's past? Harry's problems with Kendall? Harry or Cami in general?

Let me know! :)