If You Love Her ⤍ Kim Jonghyun

8

More and more weeks passed by and nothing new happened. Amelia didn't tell Minho, I was becoming impatient and I kept holding it in because I knew if I said anything involving this topic it'll look like I'm nagging.

I was a fool and I knew it. I had to keep quiet and burn up in the inside every time I saw him touch her. I wished that it was me who had their hand around her waist instead of him.

Every time I saw him holding her hand it broke me a little bit more. I had to bite my tongue so I'll be able to stop myself from speaking. I had to act like I was happy for the two of them. I had to wear my fake smile to deceive Minho.

Kibum knew that I was hurting. All four of us used to hang out all the time. Minho and Amelia would get comfortable around each other and act cute while Kibum and I would talk about whatever. Most of the time I almost believed that they were really in love and Amelia really loved him. She would always smile brightly and it was like her eyes were smiling too. Her smile was twice as wide as when she was with me.

When she would catch me staring at her she would turn her face away from me to look at him and that would hurt me even more. When I wasn't able to keep looking at them I would look at Kibum and he would look at me with sad eyes.

I hated it. It made me feel like I was pathetic. I knew he didn't mean it that way but my mind kept convincing me that he thought that I was pathetic.

I started to make up excuses that I was busy and I couldn't meet up with them. Kibum knew me very well. It was like I was transparent to him. He came into my dorm, more like burst into my room.

I didn't bother to look who it was because I was depressed. I was laying in bed staring at the ceiling. He slammed the door behind him then walked towards my bed and stood beside it. "Jonghyun." I didn't reply.

"You said that you were busy."
"I am. Can't you see that I'm staring at the ceiling?" I asked effortlessly. "Get up." Kibum said seriously. I ignored him and turned around. "Get up." He said again. I didn't reply.

He grabbed my arm and tried pulling me out of bed. I snatched my hand out of his grip and yelled "Stop it! Leave me alone!" "Why are you making excuses? Why did you lie?" He started asking me.

"Why do you think?! Isn't it obvious? Kibum it hurts. It hurts me more every time I see them together." I said almost choked on my words.

"Then forget her. You're better off without her. She's only causing you pain." Kibum said calmly. "Minho is your best friend. You can't do this to him." He added. "I know but I loved her before knowing that they were dating." I said. I felt guilty but at the same time I didn't want to end it.

"Then break up with her and forget her." He said.

"These aren't feelings that I can end in just one day with just one try.[*]"
I told him.

"You'll only cause yourself pain." He said.

My mind knew that it was wrong but my heart wouldn't listen. It didn't want to let her go so I kept holding on to her as my body pleased but I went against my mind's will.

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[*]Lyrics from the song Universe by EXO.