My Best Mistake [#1][#WATTYS2016][COMPLETE]

eleven*

[chloe]

Braydon and I walked down the corridor in silence, Braydon keeping his distance from myself as we both followed behind John until we came to a stop outside the last door at the bottom of the hall. I was half hoping that Braydon would back out now, that he would realise that this wasn't really for him after all, and that he would save me the job of having to do it myself once this appointment was finished with.

I almost hesitated in walking into the room after John, but I refused to show Braydon just how nervous I really was and I was determined that he would see how strong I was in the moment, perhaps it would even encourage him to relax a little and would make him see that this wasn't the life which he signed himself up for.

"Being nervous before the first scan is normal," John chuckled when he noticed the hesitancy in my step.

"Nervous? You think I am nervous?" That was the moment where Braydon finally snapped and couldn't continue with the pretence which he had been trying to hold together for so long. That was the moment where I knew that Braydon was never going to actually take me back and I was never going to have an actual life with him, and I was perfectly alright with that because I had already known that it was going to be coming.

"It's understandable, Braydon. This is, after all, your first baby and you are both still young," John tried to reassure Braydon but it was pointless, I could see it in Braydon's eyes that it was futile effort and that it didn't matter what he was told, there was no way in hell that he was going to be sticking around to see this through.

"Chloe, I can't do this. I can't be there for you and raise a baby which isn't even mine," Braydon turned and walked off back in the direction which we had just come from, but not before he turned around and spoke his last words, "this was nice while it lasted, but this isn't what I signed up for. I'll see you around, Clo."

I knew that I should want to breakdown and cry, that I should feel some sort of pain because he had just walked away from me like that, but I didn't feel anything other than relief. It was as though a weight had just been lifted off my shoulders and I could finally breathe again, knowing that I didn't have to worry about the next time Braydon was going to lose his temper with me or that I wasn't going to be left wondering whether Braydon was going to pick up the phone to me or whether he was going to be pissed with me for no reason that day—I actually felt a strange sense of happiness washing over me in the knowledge that I was no longer going to have to worry about my boyfriend.

"Are you ready?" John's voice brought me back to reality and reminded me of where I was right now.

"Yeah." I pushed myself up onto the bed and got myself into the same position I had been in the last time I was here, when John told me that I was pregnant and that I was actually going to be a mother.

There was a sudden rush of fear which ran through my body and I found myself shivering slightly as it quickly hit me that I was going to be doing this on my own. I was destined to be a single mother and, while I was somewhat excited about that prospect, I was also absolutely terrified that I was going to do everything wrong and that I was going to be a worse mother to my own child than my mother was to me.

I knew all the things which I needed to do to be a better mother than my own, and I knew all the things which I had to do to make sure my child never resented me in the same way I resented my mother, but there was still that part of me which was panicking that I was going to be a shit mother and that I was going to be a failure in every sense of the word. I wanted, more than anything, to show everyone that I was going to be a great mother and I wanted to prove to them that age didn't matter when it came to being a parent. I just wanted to do something with my life and be happy with my life for once.

I had become so immersed in my thoughts that I didn't even realise that John had started the scan. It was only when he put his hand on my arm and he drew my attention to the screen that I actually looked up, seeing the distorted image of what were the makings of my baby.

"It that—?" I found myself unable to speak as I blinked back the tears and I looked at the image. I was over the moon to finally be looking at my baby, at the life which I had helped to create, and there was a lump in my throat which made swallowing almost impossible. I found myself actually wishing that Matthew was here to enjoy this with me and that he was at least here to see the first image of his child.

"Yes, Chloe. That's your baby and I am pleased to inform you that your child is looking extremely healthy," John smiled.

"Ho—When—This is amazing." I finally allowed myself to smile and admire the life on the screen in front of me. It was such a small and innocent being, and I didn't think that I could love this baby any more than I already did, but seeing them only made my heart melt with genuine happiness.

"You are now twelve weeks pregnant. Your baby is a little over 5.8cm right now and you are only expecting the one," John smiled as he continued to move the sonograph around, finally coming to a stop when he caught the faint sound of my child's heartbeat, and I couldn't prevent the tears which finally fell down my cheeks. The sound was as amazing as it sounded in all the TV shows, only it was a thousand times more amazing than I ever thought that it would be.

It was beautiful. That was the only word which could accurately describe this moment. It was simply beautiful.

"What are they due?" I smiled through the tears.

"I can tell you that your estimated due date is 22nd May. Just a day after your own birthday." There were no more words to be said in that moment because everything which I needed to be told had been said and I knew now what an idiot I had been at the beginning of this pregnancy.

Considering an abortion had been a moment of weakness where I panicked and thought that this baby was going to ruin my life, but I now realise that it is the total opposite of that. This baby is the best thing which could have happened to me and I was finally going to be able to make a life for myself. Perhaps it wasn't the life which I initially planned for myself, but it was still a life, and it was still independence in which I could prove myself to everyone who doubted me.

I didn't care that my parents hated me and thought that I was the most disappointing member of the family, and neither did I really give a damn that Matthew wanted nothing to do with his own child. In that moment, I didn't even give a damn that Braydon had walked out on me and wasn't going to be coming back. I was just too overcome with emotion to care about anything other than the baby.

This was, easily, the best moment of my life and I don't think that anything will ever compare to this.

"John," I knew that this was the right thing to do and that he needed to know the truth, even if Matthew hated me at the end of it, I didn't have the right to keep the truth from John and Vivienne when they were going to be grandparents to this child when they were born, "there's something I need to tell you."

"Sure. You know that you can speak to me about anything." John handed me a towel so that I could wipe the gel off my stomach and I could give myself a moment to mentally prepare myself before I told John the truth.

"Matthewisthefatherofthebaby," I allowed the words to roll off my tongue before I even had the time to regret what it was that I was doing. I don't know where the words came from, or where I even got the courage to tell him the truth, but I figured that Jason was right and he had the right to know that I was carrying his grandchild. Whether Matthew wanted him to know the truth or not.

"Wait? Did you? No. Matthew wouldn't do that. We're practically family." I knew that he was shocked and that he didn't know what the hell he was supposed to say. The words were going in but he was obviously having a hard time processing them in his own mind.

"I wanted to tell you before now, but Matthew made me promise me not to tell anyone the truth," I sighed.

"Why?"

"He doesn't want anything to do with the baby when they're born," I whispered as I averted my gaze and turned my attention to looking around the room as I attempted to find the quickest route out of the room before this situation became anymore awkward than it already was.