My Best Mistake [#1][#WATTYS2016][COMPLETE]

twenty-one (ii)

{UNEDITED}

        He loved me. That wasn’t supposed to happen, he wasn’t supposed to fall in love with me, and he was only ever supposed to be there for our daughter. The wedding wasn’t meant to mean anything and we were never meant to feel anything, I hated him and he hated me as well.

        Despite all of that though, I still found myself feeling something towards him. I found myself not wanting a life without him in it because it wouldn’t have been the same and I don’t know what I would have done with him. I probably would have given up a long time ago and I would still be under the control of my father.

        Matthew had given me a reason to speak out against my father, to tell him what I really thought of him. He had given me the confidence to actually tell Braydon that I wanted him out of my life and that I never wanted to see him again, it was hard but it was the right thing to do and I knew that deep down. He had even given me the power to be a better a person and to not give a damn what anyone else thought of me.

        I was in love with Matthew Jenkinson and I didn’t know how to tell him. It seems so simple when it comes from his mouth, but it’s harder for me to tell him the truth. Especially since I have only just kicked my ex-boyfriend out of my life not five minutes ago and now I am thinking of all the ways to tell someone else that I was in love with them.

        I know how it seems to people who don’t understand but, when your supposed boyfriend spends a month ignoring you while another man is paying attention to you, it’s difficult not to find yourself falling for them. Regardless of how wrong it is and how much it shouldn’t happen.

        “Did you hear me?” Matthew asked as I pulled my hand away from him and looked away from him. He must have thought that I hated him for admitting the truth, but that wasn’t the case and I didn’t know how to tell him that without sounding like a total bitch.

        “Er, yeah, I did,” I muttered, the ceiling suddenly seeming all the more interesting than Matthew was. “When is Jodie coming back?”

        “I don’t know. She didn’t tell me,” Matthew said and I could tell that he was annoyed with me for avoiding what he really wanted to talk about. I needed to speak to Jodie though, she would know what to do and she would help me decide on what was the best thing to say. Right after she had murdered me for not telling her about the marriage, only to bring me back to life and murder me again for actually falling in love with Matthew in the first place.

        “Can you ring her and get her here for me please?” I asked, still not looking at Matthew because I didn’t want to see the hurt in his eyes as he thought I was rejecting his love. “And Jason. I want to see him too.”

        I would be able to ask him about the plans for the surprise I had planned for Matthew before I ended up in this place. It wasn’t anything special, it was just a small thing to show him how much he really did mean to me. A weekend away in my Nan’s caravan, beside the beach so we didn’t have to worry about anything other than the two of us. It was supposed to be his birthday present but, after everything he is doing for me, I think I will give it to him a day early.

        Or I may just wait until midnight to tell him what I had done for him. He would never need to know that Jason had helped me plan the entire thing and that Jason was the reason we were going to be having dinner served to us on the beach, in a little corner which Jason and I found as kids. You would only find it if you were looking for it and, at the beginning of January, I don’t think many people were going to be looking for where we were.

        “Sure. I need to go home anyway,” Matthew muttered.

        “You’re coming back, right?” I asked suddenly. I didn’t want to be alone, not when I could spend the New Year with someone who loved me and not when it was his birthday at the same time. “I want to be the first person to say happy birthday to you.”