If Only

"PB&J"

When I woke up the next day, I felt a stinging pain in my head. It only got worse when I stood up. I hopped over to my crutches and used them to walk out to the kitchen. The light coming in through the windows burned my eyes and made the whole room blurry. The only thing I could see clearly was Ian, in his green pajama pants and black short-sleeve tee that displayed the name of his favorite Legend of Zelda video game. His short brown hair was messy with an uneven part, and his beard was a few days overgrown. He sipped coffee out of a mug while scrolling through Twitter on his phone. Black glasses were lazily placed upon his face as he was probably to sluggish to care enough about pretending he could actually see well without them. As the bottom of my crutches hit the floor, making a sound, Ian turned to face me. With everything else around him seeming blurry, his eyes were amazingly clear. Crystals that I couldn't possibly look away from.

"Good morning," he spoke softly, knowing how much my head must hurt.

"Morning," I said barely above a whisper.

I sat down on the chair to the left of him and carefully laid my crutches down on the floor beside me to ensure they did not make a loud sound. Ian turned off his phone and flipped it over, keeping one hand on the table and the other holding his coffee mug. I shifted my gaze to the table, and his hand looked like one of those items that you're supposed to pick up in a video game; highlighted and irresistible. Highlighted because of my headache and irresistible because it was his hand.

"So," he paused, "how are you feeling?"

His voice echoed through my brain like smooth ocean waves. Soothing and making me-

"Katie? Are you alright?"

"I'm... okay."

I didn't know what it was about right then that made me so attracted to him all of the sudden. There was something about the haze my hangover put me in that made it so he was all I could focus on, and I was unable to distract myself with any other thought. I will admit I thought he was handsome before, but in this moment.. oh my God.

"Do you, um," he spoke with fear in his voice, "remember anything about last night?"

I looked up into his clear cornflower blue eyes. "No," I lied.

In fact, I remembered every good and every excruciating detail from last night, whether I wanted to or not. It was like if someone had complete control over your actions for a night, and afterwards you got video playback. But it was me. I got drunk. I had the worst kiss ever, which almost turned into the worst night of my life. Not to mention I forcefully tried to undress Ian. As much as I wanted to talk about what he was trying to tell me last night and whatever the hell that was that happened when he got out of the shower, I couldn't. He really seemed like he didn't want me to remember it, and I was tired of making him stressed out.

"I know that I went to a party and," I smiled a little, "drank a bit too much."

"Yeah, you did some-"

"Dumb things?" I cut him off. "Yeah, well, I'm pretty dumb so.."

"You're not dumb. You just take stupid things too seriously sometimes."

"Stupid things like you?"

He held back a smile, "Yeah, like me."

I slowly edged my hand closer to his on the table, hoping he wouldn't notice. I craved his touch so badly. I thought it might get rid of my headache, for one. And for the other, touching him was really just an uncontrollable urge I had at this point. In the state I was in, I honestly didn't know what it would do to me. My hand was just inches away. I could almost feel his gentle skin on my fingertips. Then he moved his hand.