Perfectly Scarred

The Encouragement

Whenever I'm confused I look at what I know: Who is against me; who is on my side. Who can I trust; who can't I trust, and how do I utilize them both.

In a massive generalization: Who is against me? Non-Failures. Who is with me? Failures.

We can't risk making our way to either Louis's car or George's Mini so late at night, and using any of Nina's vehicles is a definite no. Having her implicated in helping me will destroy everything she has done to build up trust with people.

We need to be among our own people, and the only transport we can safely use to get to Carina's house is the Failure curfew bus.

Carina lives out of the city, past the suburbs, near the lake. I imagined her as a farmhouse type of person, maybe with horses, but perhaps animals don't like her, either. They have extra senses for people like her. I never would have suspected the lake. The lake is beautiful, magical, surrounded by rolling mountains decorated by the shadows of clouds and mountain mist.

My friend Mina's family have a second house there. She used to go most weekends, and sometimes they brought me. Mom used to take us on drives all around the lake, she used to like to watch the sunrise. Until Jisoo and I started complaining about it being boring and then she just went on her own. I feel guilty about that now.

Lisa and I don't know if the footage is in Carina's possession for sure, but it's all we've got to go on. Jisoo told me that Carina removed everything from my room and put it in her own personal car, while wearing her civilian clothes. I can't even imagine what kind of clothes they would be, or believe that she would possess an item of clothing that wasn't some kind of Whistleblower uniform.

But I do know that Carina must be under immense pressure from Dahee to find me and the footage. She was responsible for both, and she let them slip through her fingers. If she's taken my things anywhere, it must be to her own home, where she can search on her own time. They're only objects, but I think of all my possessions sitting in her house. Teddies, photographs, books, clothes, the only things that I own, all taken away from me.

Jisoo has provided me with a cap, and I keep it low over my head and let my hair down to cover my branded temple. We wear F armbands that we were given at Nina's office, to make sure we don't stand out. A Failure person on a Failure bus without an armband would cause alarm bells to ring.

It has been weeks since I've worn the armband, and sliding it up my arm feels like a weight being added to my body. I can tell Lisa is feeling the same, as her demeanor completely changes once it's on.

But I suppose that is the entire point, for us to feel harassed, humiliated, and isolated from society.

At least Lisa was spared having to reveal her scar every day, though when it seemed the brandings were unfair to those whose brands could be seen, the F armbands were brought in to eliminate that little loophole. We join the crowded curfew bus stop, filled with Failures. Our own people.

Lisa wears a cap low and stays close to me, head down. I keep my back to everybody. Once on the bus, each Failure swipes his or her identity card and takes a seat.

"We don't have identity cards," Lisa whispers.

"Yes, we do," I say, reaching into my backpack and handing her the two cards I borrowed from Nina's team. If she does care about them so much, she can help them get new identity cards.

Lisa looks down at them with surprise, and laughs with admiration at my resourcefulness. When we get on the bus we keep our eyes down and sit in the back row. I don't know if anybody is looking at me because I'm not looking at them. I should feel safe in a bus full of Failures, these are my people, but I'm afraid.