Perfectly Scarred

The Sixth Brand

Mila is still staring at me, not blinking once. I know the press hasn't reported my sixth brand for some reason, which surprises me. I wonder why?

I assumed that Dahee would want to know, to let people know what I am the most failure of them all, with sixth brands. Well, if Mila doesn't know, she can't print it. And while she, not knowing about it, gives me comfort, I also want her to know that she doesn't know everything, that the one judge that she's been admiring, is not what she seems to be, that her basic knowledge of me is wrong. If Dahee lied to her, her world will be rocked once she knew about it and I want to see the look on her face for my own gratification.😏

"She did what?!" She says, 3 minutes had passed. Still looking shocked, her cool demeanor is completely gone. " In court, she distinctly said five"

I make a decision whether to continue or not. It will probably come out sometime anyway. I guess when Dahee is ready but I also think that it is better if it comes from me. And even if Mila prints is, it is true. Dahee can't blame me for that.

"She came to me in the branding chamber, she asked me to apologize. I wouldn't so she ordered a sixth on my spine. Without anesthesia. Said I was a failure to the very backbone." I feel the boiling anger in me but I decide not to mention that it was her who branded me. Best to save my revelations.

"She... what?" She can barely speak "but that's not allowed. I mean it's never-"

She know she can't say much more about it. Question and Doubt Judge Kim Dahee? Siding with the Failures? She's not that foolish.

"You want to know the truth? Go talk to your buddy Kim about it." I leave her standing in the doorway in shock.

For the first time since I was branded, I find myself smiling. When the lows are enermous and massive, the victories are small, even if it is miniscule, it is still still there, you just have to focus to see the positive in them, little pockets of hope hidden away in the darkness. Mom is right, we just have to look at the brighter side of the things and always remember that God is greater than highs and lows.

And speaking of the devil, When I return to my room, I find Dahee has been hunting through my table beside my bed. I freeze for a while and look around my in surprise. My wardrobes are open, clothes have been pulled off the hangers, left on the floor, and my shelves have been rooted through and left untidy. She's sitting on my bed reading my journal, my private diary. As I saw her, fear envelopes my body. She's not the same aunt that I used to love before. I want to cry right there, seeing her for the first time since she branded me brought so much pain in me. But I don't have the energy, why does she have to invade my private properties? They are my private thoughts, silly and embarassing things and things that were important to me. I realize my Iwrote my secret thoughts in there.

I open my mouth to protest, but as if sensing it, holds up her hand to silence me. She turns the page. Finally, she snaps the journal shut and looks at me up and down as if seeing right through my soul.

"Rules state that you are to expect random searches of your private possessions. I expect you to hand it over to Carina evey Friday so that I can read them for myself. Is that clear?"

"What if I don't?" I bravely say.

"You won't like what I'll do to you when I'm mad, Roseanne. Remember the last time you defied me?"

I swallow. My heart is beating so fast and I find myself nodding.

"Verbal communication!" She slaps me

"Yes" I say and it comes out as a whisper. I don't want to be punished, I don't want my family to get punished either if I disobey her.

"And my oh my, Roseanne. You didn't tell me that you're in love with the young woman beside your cell? " I feel my cheeks blush. It's the first time someone tells me out loud. I know it happened for such a short perios of time but as the time goes by, I'm craving for her presence. Like, half of me is taken with her.

"Why? Is there something wrong with that?" I smirk.

"Yes. There is. Same sex? Who would approve to that? So that's the reason why you don't still have a boyfriend. You're into girls. Disgusting" She laughs.

"So what? Are you going to brand me again for being this way? Remember, The law doesn't forbid us to love someone of the same sex. Right, Dahee?" I try calming myself even though I want to slap her for million times.

I can see that she is shock, she looks away as if deliberating something.

"I can implement that." She courageously say

"Well, go on. Implement it, then. You don't want me to expose you for giving me the sixth brand, do you?" I look at the calendar beside me

"oh how unfortunate, you're going to Italy in three weeks to talk about the Failure and Branding Law because you said they're eager to adopt it. But what will you do if they knew that you're a Failure, too, Dahee?" I don't know where do I get the courage to speak to her this way.

I can see that she's terrified and I didn't know that this is far far more more rewarding (I know I'm exaggerating) to see than seeing Mila's face when I told her Dahee gave me six brands. Oh look how the tables have turned.

"Where is she?" She asks

"Who's she?" I ask confusely.

"That girl beside your cell" Oh. Why does she have to ask.

"I don't know either. Why? You're going to punish her, too? Brand her spine?" I say and iI see her look outside my room to make sure no one is listening. "Or whatever demonic stuff you're capable to do. Because that's what you only know, brand people to make yourself look perfect."

She stands up and picks up the Seoul Citadel rose that is enclosed in glass dome that she found in my bedside table.

"Always good to have a reminder, isn't it?" She says dropping it into my hands, the red rose that looks like a blood in my eyes. It feels like warning.

"And you have the nerve to show up here?!" I hear mom says.

"Why? I'm still the highest judge and I can do whatever I want to"

"I don't care, you're not welcome in this family anymore. How can you do that to Rosie? To your own niece! How could you!" There's a hint of disbelief in my mom's voice. I don't hear Dahee's response, instead, I hear her car pulled away to the driveway.

I rush to the bed and throw it back into the drawer. I never want to see it again. I pick up the journal and start to rip the pages out, they lie scatter on the floor.

Mom comes to the door, wiping her tears and watches me, concerned.

"She was reading my journal" I splutter

Mom joins me on the floor and looks around at the pages. Then picks them up and starts to rip them into little pieces, her face not as cool but her eyes are filling up again. I don't want this diary anymore. Dahee invaded it just like what she did to my body. Mom's gesture means to me more than anything she could have said. I join her as we rip the pages of Lalisa's name, doodles, words that came from my heart, concerns I ached over. I watch the hearts be ripped to pieces. I know mom knows about Lalisa, the girl beside my cell, but she doesn't say anything even if she sees Lalisa and I names enclosed in a heart.

Shey Lee was right, they want to be in our heads. I will never let them in my head again.