Falling Irrevocably

18th

18th

He gave me cocky smile before he got up from my bed. Dahan dahan siyang naglakad patungo sa direksyon ko. Nung makaharap sa akin ay lumuhod siya upang abutin ng baba ko.

Napaiwas naman ko sa hawak niya. I dont want anyone's touch right now, even if it's from him. Nandidiri pa rin ako sa ginawa kanina ng prof ko.

Pinilit niyang iharap ang mukha ko sa kanya. I end up meeting his eyes, it's reflecting some emotions, ngunit nangibabaw ang pagkamuhi niya.

So this is the day he'll come to me? Bakit ngayon pa na may nangyaring masama sa akin kanina? Why now?

I wanted to burst out in tears again. Pero wala na ata akong mailuha sa kakaiyak simula kanina. Now, I felt really helpless.

I'm sure I wouldn't be able to handle the pain anymore after this one. My system will shut down any minute.

"You don't want my touch? Bakit? May ibang nagpapaligaya na sa'yo sa kama habang wala ako?" He darkly said as he held my face tightly.

Hinigit niya ako patayo. His hand grabbing my waist so hard.

"I'm the only one who can fuck you, Kady."

He dip down his lips to mine but I moved. Sa gilid ng labi ko ito pumatak.

"You're my toy now, I will use you until you break,"

Nagpumiglas ako nung simulang maramdaman ang mga halik niya sa leeg ko. I only felt disgusted because of what the professor have done to me. Iyon lang ang naaalala ng utak ko hanggang ngayon.

"Then I'll throw you like a trash once I break you so hard..." He paused as he looked at me again. "This is my punishment to you for what you fucking did,"

He aggressively kiss my lips. I instantly smelled alcohol from him. Nakainom ba siya?

Pinaghahampas ko siya sa dibdib para makalayo pero hindi man lang siya natinag. Patuloy lang siya paghalik sa mga labi ko hanggang sa nalasahan ko na ang dugo mula rito.

"Wawasakin kita hanggang sa wala nang matira sa'yo, tandaan mo 'yan, Kady,"

A lone tear fell from my eye. His words are too much. It's too painful. Mas mabuti na lang na saktan niya ako ng pisikal, matatanggap ko pa. His words are slowly killing me inside out.

Nung bitawan niya ako ay kusa na akong lumuhod sa harap niya. I then close my palm together, pleading him.

"Please... please, Chanler," Garalgal na ang boses ko nung sinabi ko iyon. "Forgive me... I'm sorry, please, hindi ko sinasadya---"

Naputol ang sinasabi ko nung tumama ang palad niya sa aking pisngi. Halos natumba ako sa sahig sa lakas nuon. He just... slapped me.

Hindi pa ako nakakabawi nung hinigit niya ang buhok ko. Naimpit ko ang sakit na nararamdaman. Kinaladkad niya ako at hinagis sa kama.

He pushed me too hard that even if my bed was soft, it did hurt my back.

"No... no... not now, please..." Muli kong pagmamakaawa nung tinatanggal na niya ang botones ng polo shirt niya.

I blinked twice. I shook my head as I felt really dizzy. With my blurred eyes, I can imagine my prof in front of me. It wasn't Chanler, it was the prof that harrassed me earlier.

"You killed a child for you to be fuck by me, huwag kang maarte!" Sigaw niya na nagpaigtad sa akin.

Then I remembered Mama's word to me. Huwag daw akong maarte, mabulok daw ako rito. I clutch my chest because I suddenly can't breathe.