Falling Irrevocably

28th

28th

They all left the room quietly. Walang nagsalita o umangal sa galit ng kapatid ko. Inangat ko lamang ang tingin nung magsara ang pinto matapos silang lumabas.

"I didn't knew you would stoop that low just because you love him, what are you? A slut? Damn it, Den!"

Kuya Psalm's words strike into my heart so bad. Nanginig ang mga labi ko dahil naluluha na naman ako.

"Kuya, tumigil ka nga! She was so young back then---"

"Alam mo rin?" Duon hindi nakapagsalita si Kuya Isaac at napaiwas ng tingin sa kapatid namin.

"Alam mo rin na si Enzo ang ama ni Andra? Sumagot ka, Isaac!"

"Oo! Oo... alam ko," Kuya Isaac answered, conceding.

"Putangina! Ako lang pala ang walang alam? Ha? Ano pang silbi ko? Kapatid mo rin ako!" He harshly pointed himself as I felt my tears started stream down my cheeks. "Ako na mas nakakatanda sa inyo! Ako na halos tumayo ng tatay sa'yo, Den!"

Napaigtad ako nung binalinag nito ang mga upuan. I just let him because I knew I was wrong. I shouldn't have kept it to him. Lumala pa lalo ang sitwasyon ngayon sa pagtatago ko. He's mad at himself, I can see it.

I remembered his friends. Now their friendship is at stake too. And I can't help but blame myself for it. If it weren't for my childish acts and ill choices, we wouldn't all end up here. Fighting. Hating each other.

"You disappoint me, Dennilah Kadynce,"

Tumindi ang sakit na nararamdaman ko sa aking puso sa sinabi niya. Binigyan niya ako ng isang tingin bago tahakin ang pintuan.

"Kuya," I tried to call him as I want to talk to him more. Malakas na bumagsak ang pinto nung nakalabas siya kaya napatigil ako sa paghabol sa kanya.

"Kuya Psalm... Kuya," I again tried calling him even though I knew he can't hear me. I clutch to chest.

He's right about what he said. Ang nangibabaw lang sa akin ay ang sinabi niyang siya na ang tumayong ama para sa akin. Tama siya. I'm not close with our Dad. Maybe because Mama won't let him. Ang tanging naging nasa tabi ko ay ang mga kapatid ko. Kuya Psalm as the eldest became more responsible for my being. He is my father figure.

"I'll take you to your room," Ani ni Kuya Isaac sa akin. He held my arm to support me as we started to walk. My entire body felt weak and, in any second, I think I would really faint.

"Si Kuya Psalm..." Ani ko na parang nagsusumbong kay Kuya Isaac. He shook his head.

"Let him be alone first. We'll surely all talk again, don't worry."

Napatango na lang ako ng tahimik sa sinabi niya.

"Thank you, Kuya," Sabi ko nung papasok pa sana siya sa kwarto. He heavily sighed as pulled me into a hug. Lalo akong napaiyak dahil duon. He gently caress my back as I cried and cried again.

"You should rest," Sabi niya bago ko naramdaman ang paghalik nito sa noo ko. Tipid akong ngumiti sa kanya at pumasok na sa kwarto.

Nahagip ng mga mata ko ang anak kong mahimbing pa ring natutulog sa kama. I went to the bed and lay beside her. Hinaplos ko ang buhok niya.

"Mommy..."

Mabilis siyang sumiksik sa akin at yumakap sa bewang ko. I bit my lower lip to prevent my sob from coming out from my mouth. Andra's warmth is enough to comfort me.

Yet there's always been a hole in my chest that no one could ever patch up.

Sa kakaiyak ay nakatulog na rin ako sa tabi niya. Naalimpungatan na lang ako nung gumagalaw na si Andra sa tabi ko. Nakita ko na madilim na sa labas ng bintana.