Her Garden

Chapter 38

5:34 PM

After driving around most of the day, I was kind of glad to be home. Though, something seemed off.

Natsuko stopped at the front door, smiling softly at me.

"You don't want to come in?"

She shook her head, making me step outside and close the door.

"Is everything okay?"

She nodded.

I reached out to grab her hand but she just took a step back, making me furrow my eyebrows.

"Did I....did I say something that hurt your feelings?"

"No it's just....something personal."

"Are you okay?"

Her smile faltered a bit but she clenched her fists and held it back up like her life depended on it. I hated that look.

I hated watching someone pretend to be fine for me.

"You don't have to smile.", I placed a hand on her cheek and gave her a worried expression. She carefully grabbed my hand and pushed it against my chest, grabbing the opposite wrist as well so that it would stay at my side. "You...don't want me to touch you?"

"I love you."

"I-....why're you saying that now?"

"Can you just say it back please?"

The way she said that with a smile made my chest hurt.

"Hey, what's wrong? You're making me worry."

She shook her head and let go of me, wrapping her arms around her stomach.

"Say it back..."

"I love you too. Now can you please tell me what's upsetting you?"

Her smile dropped slowly, like it was tired, before she rolled up her hoodie sleeve and held up her wrist.

Nothing seemed out of the ordinary rather than another hospital tag on her arm.

"Read it."

I carefully grabbed her hand and ran my eyes over the words.

Again, only one thing seemed different.

Test 23: FAILURE

"What does that mean?"

"Well...remember I told you that, the slightest mistake could cost your life?"

"Yea."

"That applies to everyone. I'm part of everyone."

"You're dying?"

"The chance is a lot higher now that they've made a mistake."

"What?!", I scoffed. "I don't get it, how much higher?!"

"Like...91%"

"That's not fair..."

"I'll be okay!", She grabbed my shoulders once she saw how sad I looked, forcing herself to smile again. "See?"

"That doesn't ease my mind, Natsuko. At all."

"I'm sorry.", her fake smile turned sad and she looked off to the side. "I'm not sure what I can do to help cheer you up. I feel bad."

"Why would you feel bad? It's not your fault."

"Well maybe not but...it's like you were finally better and than I had to go and mess that up."

I shook my head.

"Im really not any better. I can just breathe easy. You didn't mess up anything, Nata."

"But I-"

"But nothing. I'm here to comfort you, not to make you feel bad about being sick."

She let her arms fall to her sides and pressed her head against my chest. I adjusted the beanie on her head, waiting for her to say something.

But she didn't.

"Nata. I know you're upset."

"I am.", she clenched her fists. "Why wouldn't I be? There's a chance I might die and my hair's starting to fall out. This is the worst life ever."

"It's not all bad.", I smiled softly as she lifted her head up. "And hair is just...it doesn't matter, okay?"

"Of course it matters.", she crossed her arms and looked down. "Without hair I'm gonna look really stupid."

"That's not true.", I shook my head. "Hair is hair. It's worthless...well unless it's long enough to be sold."

She laughed a little.

"Come on...don't try to make me feel better."

"Isn't that what I do best? I kinda suck at everything else.", I shrugged. "You shouldn't be alone when you go through shit like this."

"Yea...thanks."

"You know, what if I took you out tomorrow and let you do shit to make you feel better about yourself?"

"That's called spoiling me and I don't accept that."

"Well, I'd like to go get a piercing anyway so I'd be spoiling both of us."

"Do NOT pierce your face."

"Sure."

"I'm serious."

"I'm not. Just say you'll come with me. It'll be fun. Maybe take your mind off of death for a while."

"Fine."

"Okay! Now come let me hold you hostage.", I grabbed her hand and pulled her inside, watching as she smiled at me.

"You're an idiot."

"So I've been told."