Promises (Jack Gilinsky)

Chapter 62

Okay quick authors note

For the first part of this chapter here are some songs that I would listen to while reading it.

Almost lover- A fine frenzy
The mess I made- Parachute

If you guys know any other good songs like these or like the ones from last chapter please comment them because I really want some more and and so other people can listen to them too

Charlotte's POV:

For the past four days, I've done nothing but sit in my room. I haven't talked to anyone, except for a few small gestures or grunts whenever my parents or brother tried communicating with me. I haven't texted or called any of the guys, even though I'm pretty sure that I have at least 30 calls and 50 texts from each one. I haven't eaten except for a few crackers and a small piece of a sandwich that Caleb force fed me. As of now, I think that it's safe to say that I'm completely useless.

The majority of these days have been spent, as usual, remembering and regretting. Memories of Jack are constantly flooding back to me. I think about all of those days that we did nothing but talk, those days where we completely forgot about the things that we had been stressed about, the days that we were happy.

The one thing that I can't seem to get out of my mind is our first date. I remember being so scared about getting into a relationship because something bad would happen (look who was right). But Jack wouldn't let me be scared. He kept assuring me that we would work out. The whole time, I was doubting us. He was the only reason that I changed my mind. He made sure that I was safe and that I knew it. There was no way that he would have ever let anyone hurt me. That night, without even saying it, he had made a promise to take care of me. I could tell. Jack had loved me from the start. I was just too blind to realize it.

He would be so disappointed if he saw me now. Jack would never let me do this to myself if he were here. He might even blame himself for it. But he's not the one to point fingers at. I'm the only one to blame.

Each time a new memory starts taking over my mind, I start to look at my wrists, ashamed of the person that I've become. When I was little, I had always imagined that I'd be happy when I got older. I pictured myself being content with who I was and what I was doing with my life. Look at how that's turned out.

I'm so tempted to add to it though. Right now, I wish that I could drag those blades across the skin on my wrist again. I can't though. I don't have them. I haven't even bothered to look for them. It wouldn't be worth it. There's no way that Caleb would have put them somewhere where I'd be able to find them.

I'm still having trouble believing that the other night actually happened. It just doesn't seem real. It feels as if it was some nightmare that I just couldn't wake up from. I still haven't woken up from it. Running my fingers over the fresh scars doesn't make it any better. I'm still tempted to believe that my mind is playing tricks on me. But, it all actually happened. And to be honest, that was one of the scariest things that has ever happened to me. Of course I was terrified when I got that phone call from the hospital, but this was a different kind of feeling. A different kind of terror. I have never felt so mentally ill in my life; I couldn't think straight, I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs, and there was no way that I could've stopped myself from all of the destruction that I caused. I just wanted to escape. To leave my body and go somewhere else where nobody could reach. But at the same time I had no clue what was happening, and I couldn't pull myself away from it. My body was doing things that my mind was unable to comprehend. I don't know what would've happened if Caleb hadn't come along. I don't even want to think about that.

The fact that I did this all because of Jack is so much worse. I didn't deserve to be with him,but I tricked myself into believing that I did. He could've gotten any girl in the school, and yet he went after me. I still can't figure this out. And to think, if he hadn't gone after me, he wouldn't be in this mess. He wouldn't have gotten into that crash that nearly took his life, and he wouldn't be lying in a hospital right now with the possibility of never waking up.