SABIS the SURVIVOR

Chapter 5: Elder Gadi

Chapter 5: Elder Gadi

"You can't make a bear dance," Gadi explained to Juanita. The frowns in her forehead and twitch in her cheek muscles did not relent with his explanation, so he continued.

"Your husband has his own way of handling things. His strategies have worked for him and helped him to get this far in life, so it is hard for him to see the need for change. I agree with you that should he be willing to change, then that could help the situation, but do not hold your breath waiting for that to happen."

Juanita still did not appear appeased. She had been seeking more emotional support and encouragement from her husband Pedro about their inability to conceive a child.

Gadi breathed deep and long, slowly releasing the tension inside of his chest that had been accumulating throughout this counseling session. He continued.

"Juanita. Tell me how you feel about the fact that Pedro cannot completely understand what it is like for you to not be able to conceive a child."

Juanita stared down at the ground, her left nostril leaked a clear discharge and her left eye dropped tears that landed on her left nostril, bounced off, then landed on the left side of her lap. She sniffed.

"I feel like a failure. I feel useless. I feel worried that if I can't conceive then Pedro will either leave me or go with another woman." She sobbed with chest heaves and throaty wails. Finally, when her self-induced emotional convulsions culminated in a huge sigh, she looked at Gadi, who shifted in his stone seat, relaxed his hunched shoulders, and released another deep and long breath. Then she added:

"I feel like I am suffocating in this marriage. I feel controlled and trapped. I feel like I am living in a type of hell where my every move and comment are judged, criticized, or dismissed. For example, I wanted to stay in our home cave this morning so that I could journal about my feelings but Pedro insisted that I accompany him on a walk outside. He said that exercise is what I need to clear my head and relax my body.

I never told anyone this, but when I was a young girl of nine, my Uncle Jorge sexually molested me. Jorge told me to not tell anyone or he would tell all of my family that I was a whore and a slut. I am not sure why I tell you this now."

She sobbed some more and Gadi drew some long and deep breaths once again. She continued talking.

"Maybe Pedro feels like I do. Maybe he feels as if he is useless. Perhaps I should ask him about how he feels."

Gadi stood up, walked to his cave's entrance, which was located at the top of a narrow path, away from the other survivors, drew some water from the Artesian well, then returned to his seat. Gadi liked his solitude. It allowed him to survey the tribe of survivors and observe how they interacted in the common area below. His 'loft location' also gave him the privacy that he needed to mourn his own losses without members constantly annoying him with consolatory platitudes like, "I know just how you feel" or "Things will get better."

Gadi now sat with his legs crossed on his stone seat.

"It is time for you to not be defined by your past. It is time for you to live in the now. Your feelings of suffocation, control, and tension are normal when you live with fear as your constant companion. When you can express your feelings with honesty and purity, then you will love yourself as you are meant to."

He took her right hand and placed it over her heart region.

"Life is precious and we must not waste it with pining for what could have or should have been. We have been granted a miracle by Mother Earth. It is our privilege to serve her and to honour her. Juanita, you can honour Mother Earth with your sincerity, devotion, and above all, forgiveness for yourself, Pedro, and your Uncle. It will not be easy but you will then define your life by what you do rather than waiting for the other person to act or for something to happen. Go back to Pedro and talk with him about how you want to enjoy the gift of your togetherness every day that you are alive. Then see what he says and does."

"Thank you Gadi. You have helped me to see things differently."