[completed] Yeosang has to come to terms with the fact that his life is no fairytale, not even a romantic novel - just another short story, fighting to stay above water in the bottomless ocean of so many others'. And in that ocean, he will have to r...
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Letting go...
Tears are blurring out his vision, while his parted lips quiver with silence flowing from dry throat. He has said the words out loud, he has finally said them, but yet he doesn't feel any different.
"I need to find myself, and I can't do that with the memories of you hovering over me. I have to let you go, please, let me let go..."
Yeosang raises his head towards the sky, where grey clouds are slowly passing by with the promise of rain. His cheeks feel cold, but the rest of his body numb while he sits on his knees and the dirt stains his light blue jeans.
Nothing but silence.
But what did he expect? It isn't like there is anyone to answer him, he is alone at the cemetery - at the place he has only been to once, almost ten years ago.
Swallowing the outburst that is building up in his throat, he pinches his eyes shut. He has had enough, more than enough, and all he wants is just to break free from the shadows that are trying to consume him every day of his life.
"I just want to be happy," he whispers so lowly that his voice is barely even there, "is that too much to ask? Why can't you let me be happy?"
He did not ask to be born into this world, he didn't mean to ruin his mother's life and he never meant to hurt anyone - but it has been in that desperate pursuit he ended up hurting himself, and eventually others too.
"Please, mom..."
The word is like acid on his tongue, it burns and makes him realize he can't even remember calling her that when she was alive. He has used the term mother in mention of her, but not directly to her face.
Yeosang hides his red eyes behind his hands, smearing the tears all over his face as he cries so hard his body is shaking. The wind is starting to pick up, and the trees and bushes are rustling around him, as the first drops of rain start falling from the darkening sky.
"I don't want to feel like this anymore..."
But at this point he isn't even sure if he is talking to her, or to himself.
He dries his eyes with the back of his palm, but with the rain now pouring down over him it doesn't make much of a difference. In front of the gravestone, lying at his knees in the grass, is a red rose he brought with him today - as a weak sign of him trying to make peace with what has happened, and he quietly watches how the rain drops is bouncing against the petals.
Time passes by in the blink of an eye, and soon the sky is not only darkened by clouds, but the passing of the sun as well. Yeosang slowly gets up, with his body feeling cold and stiff, and he looks with weary eyes at his surroundings. One day he will be there too, buried under the ground, but he refuses to waste any more of his life feeling like he is already dead.
