A Girls Survival Guide

Self Confidence?

Self confidence?

Research has shown that 90% of teenage girls suffer from self esteem issues or lack thereof. So, what is self confidence? And why do we as girls find it so hard to feel good about ourselves?

Firstly, we look at the meaning of the term 'self confidence'. Self confidence is believing and being confident about our capabilities. Being self-confident does not mean being self-centered and in modern times, it's becoming more and more difficult to feel confident about ourselves. In this chapter, I will be talking about three things that mostly cause this lack of self confidence.

1- Beauty issues

2- Bullying

3- Life troubles

1-Beauty issues

Beauty is one of the obsessions that lie amongst most teenage girls these days, but why? They feel that they're not pretty enough or that they're too fat. Well, I'm here to tell you that none of that is true. There is no such word as ugly, and if you can notice the beauty in everything around you, then why can't you notice the beauty in yourself. Nobody knows you better than yourself, because you know you inside out. If you feel that your outside isn't as pretty, then let your personality show, and don't be ashamed of it. Everyone is different, and everone is unique. Your uniqueness is beautiful, so let it show. People judge based on your appearances because they don't know what you're really like and that's why you best friends look beyond looks; because they know you for more than that. So my advice to you, is to look past your looks and stand up for who you really are. Treat yourself like the queen, because in your world you are.

Tip: Try taking extra measures, when taking care of yourself, for example, by taking some time to get your nails or hair done. It doesn't necessarily mean that you're posh or trying too hard, but rather shows that you care about your body. Beauty doesn't need to be artificial, it can be natural also.

2- Bullying

Aah! the famous case of bullying. Bullying is an art, one of which I don't admire, but if it's one thing I know about bullying, it's that it is caused by the following reasons:

1) If you are an easy target (a) - this normally occurs amongst boys because this type of bullying involves physical violence.

2) If you are an easy target (b) - this is more common amongst girls as it is mostly verbal abuse. They choose an easy opponent that usually lacks self confidence because they're much easier to "break".

3) Because they are jealous of you - this too is common amongst girls, but is one of the most popular type of bullying.

As you can see from above, being self-confident, can help combat bullying. Every time you walk into the same building that that bully is in, walk with all confidence and and belief in yourself. I also have an exercise that can help you if you are being bullied :

Any day that you get bullied, I don't want you to cry, I want you to repeat these words to yourself when you get home (or anywhere you feel peaceful and quiet). If you have a friend willing to help, then let him/her pretend to be the bully, or you can pretend that the bully is in front of you.

" I am the queen of my life and I admit that at first you were controlling me, but now I'm taking hold of my life. I am strong, beautiful, smart talented and unique, and I am proud of that. The mere fact that you are bullying me means that you're not. I understand that you may be having some problems at home or somewhere else, but we are both girls and we're both human, and bullying me isn't going to make it any better. You had taken over my life. I'm getting it back, and you should get your own back too"

Repeat this everyday to yourself, until you believe it and you feel like you have the courage to say it to their face. Even if you aren't able to, just having the belief and courage is enough, because the important thing is that you are not afraid of the bully, and that they don't control your life. I know that it's easier said than done, but life goes on, and you can't let your life go to waste because someone is hurting you.

3- Life troubles

When going through troubles in life, sometimes we push ourselves too hard, somtimes to breaking point. Also we find ourselves losing confidence in our abilities. This is natural, but it's important not to lose hope and also not to give up on yourself, because if you give up on yourself, then it's going to be hard for everyone else not to give up on you. Any time you are pushed to the ground with stress or problems, pick yourself up say "I can do this" a few times, breath in and out slowly and try to calm down. Think about anything that makes you happy, or the reason why you push through these problems to live another day. What gets you up in the morning and to sleep at night? Think about that, relax a little and continue. I also find that thinking through the problem really helps, even if it make you cry. Think about it and try to find a solution. If you feel stuck, then discussing with a close and trusted person would be good. Also, if the person you are having trouble with is close to you, then try discussing it with him/her. Sometimes it helps to just talk and let it all out. When you go out everyday, try not to think about the problems that you're facing, and focus on the other things that are going on in your life. I find that music can also help to calm you. Just lie down and play a song that you find soothing. You'll probably notice that when you're in a good mood, you tend to listen mostly to the beat, but when you're sad, stressed or in a bad mood, you tend to listen more to the lyrics than the beat. Therefore it's probably best to choose a song that relates to your situation. Especially since there are practically songs for everything now. And to now close this chapter, I'd like to say: nobody can be confident in you if you're not confident in yourself.

Song quote: "the players gonna play, play, play, play, play and the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate baby I'm just gonna shake, shake shake, shake, shake. I Shake it off I shake it off.. heart breakers gonna break, break, break, break, break and the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake baby im just gonna shake,shake shake, I shake it off, I shake it off...." - Shake it off by Taylor Swift. (I thought it was an appropriate song ) ;)