Open To the Truth ~ Kylo Ren FanFic

Chapter 12 - No Control

"Yes, Kylo." As soon as those words left my mouth, Kylo's face showed me an emotion I hadn't seen from him.

Anger? 

No.

Confusion?

Maybe.

Sadness?

... Yes.

His eyes continued to stare into mine, while his hands left the side of my body. His eyebrows knitted in confusion and sadness. 

"Excuse me." Kylo stood up and patted himself down before taking one last look at me across his shoulder. 

"Kylo wait-" Before I was able to finish my sentence, he left. I was alone. In his room. And I had let him down. But this wasn't my fault. Right?

I looked around and noticed his room was dark and almost empty. He had the essential furniture, but no keepsakes, or things to look at. It was just a black room. Which really didn't help how I felt. I sat alone on his bed, and the things we did ran through my head continuously. 

This wasn't my fault.

He initiated the kiss. He's been trying to get close to me. I thought I made it clear to him? I wanted to be friends. 

I stood up and really didn't know what to do. If I left his room, people would be suspicious. And if I stayed, I risk the chance of Kylo getting upset with me. And after this 'scene' I really wasn't feeling it. But as if my thoughts were fixed, I saw an empty room across from the hallway in his quarters.

Maybe this is the room that was created for me?

I slowly walked towards it and very carefully opened it, in case it wasn't meant for me. But immediately, I knew. It was.

The bed was beautiful. It was large and had the softest black covers, and posts on the corners, just as Kylo's bed looked. The dresser across from the bed had a few tiny statue looking things. I guess to spiff up the room a bit. 

This room is 300 times better than my original one.

I walked over to the bed and ran my hand across it. It was the exact same blanket that Kylo had on his bed.

Stop thinking about him.

I sighed and ran my hands through my hair, not knowing what to do. I did know that  I couldn't sit here and wait for him. I doubt he'd like that. But the only thing that I could think of doing, was heading to the training room. Not because I wanted to see Kylo, but because maybe he wanted to see me?

So it was final, I decided to head for the training room. But I knew I had to be careful so no stormtroopers saw me leave his room. Who knows what would happen. 

As I shut the door to my room, I walked up to the door to leave his quarters. I quietly and carefully opened it and stuck a part of my face out, just enough so I could see the hallway. Thankfully, no one was around. Before anyone did walk past, I hurried out and shut the door behind me, and headed towards the training room.

I wasn't sure what was going to happen if he was there. But I did know that we needed to talk. I was confused about his feelings. Or if he even had any towards me. Or maybe he was just bored and I was the easiest thing to occupy him with. Either way, I needed to know if I was going to be sleeping in his quarters, and ultimately getting closer to him.

As I got lost in my thoughts, I realized that I had reached the training room fairly quickly. But for some reason, I couldn't open the door. Not because it was locked, but because I mentally wasn't able to. What if he was in there? What if he wasn't? 

Before I talked myself out of it, I grabbed the door handle, and slowly opened the door. I couldn't hear anything inside, so I let myself in, shutting the door behind me. I quickly scanned the room but didn't see anyone. And for some reason, I felt a hole form in my stomach. 

It's okay. He's not here.

But maybe I wanted him to be here...? 

I knew I wouldn't be able to find him anywhere else on this ship. I've never been anywhere else except for here, my room, and the cafeteria. 

I decided to walk over to the hidden seating area behind the wall of the training room. Kylo had shown me this area when he gave me the tour of the room. He said it was meant for breaks or just a little secret spot.

Maybe this is just Kylo's secret spot? 

As I turned the corner, I saw someone on one of the benches. I immediately saw the long, wavy black hair and knew who it was. My breath was stuck in my throat. I could see his face in his hands, leaning against his knees. He didn't have his mask or cloak on. He had his black t-shirt and black jeans. Just what he left his room with.

"K-Kylo...?" As I said his name, I saw his head slowly come up. He didn't look towards me, or show that he acknowledged me.

"I came to talk."

"I know." I watched him as he turned his head around his shoulder to look at me slightly, before turning back around.

"Are you okay?" Somewhere inside of me told me to walk to him. He genuinely looked upset and I wanted to comfort him.

"Don't."

"D-Don't what?" 

"Don't ask if I'm okay. I shouldn't have done what I did, but I did it anyway. I have no control, and it's killing me." He put his face back in his hands and let out a huge breath.

"No control? Kylo, you are the most intimidating, and smartest person I know. You have pretty much everything under control."I heard him scoff at me slightly.

"You don't understand Phoenix."

"Then tell me." I walked forward to go and sit next to him but was stopped by something. I immediately knew it was the force holding me in place. 

"I cannot control myself around you. It hurts." I felt my mouth open slowly involuntarily. 

"Wh-what do you mean Kylo. You've been very confusing these last few days." I tried to move from the force, but I only felt it grasp onto me tighter.

"Do you remember the first day we met? And I told you I felt your presence?" The memories were blurry, but I could sort of remember what he was talking about.

"Sure."

"It's like you were calling out to me. You constantly are. And I don't think you even know you're doing it." I was shocked. What did he mean I was 'calling out to him.'

"It's like I need to be with you at all times, or the calls turn into screams, and-" I listened as he took a breath. It seemed like he was having a hard time telling me.

"I wish you could feel how I feel Phoenix." 

"I-I do too Kylo." I watched as he stood up, with his back towards me still.

"You have turned into al-almost an obsession for me. You take up my mind and distract me from everything. But when I'm near you. I can think again. I can breathe again. I'm free almost." I felt the force let go and saw Kylo turn around.

"Be with me Phoenix. I need you..."

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I'm not gonna lie, I don't know if I love this chapter. I wanted Phoenix's and Kylo's relationship to go slow, but this chapter sort of poured out, and I've also kind of made Kylo with a Ben Solo personality. And I'm not sure if I like it or not.  We'll see in a few days if I redo it. 

Oh! I wanted to add, if a chapter has a song on the top, that's the song I was either listening to while writing this chapter, or just a song that I think fits:)

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed, and the next chapter should be out sometime this weekend or right after:)

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Okie bye!

-Eden