𝕴 𝖉𝖔𝖓'𝖙 𝖑𝖔𝖛𝖊 𝖞𝖔𝖚 ~ Regulus black x reader

26

this is gonna be HELLA sad. you've been warned.

~~~~~~~~~~~

"I love you" I quickly pecked him on the lips. my amazing, wonderful boyfriend. Regulus Black. 

"I love you to sunshine" I scowled,

"I'm no sunshine" he laughed a little,

"you're my sunshine" I tried not to blush. I did. but it was impossible not to. it was a struggle not blush just when looking at him how could I resist that. he smiled that dazzling smile quickly pecking my on the cheek, 

"I won't be long don't wait up." I nodded. he ran out the door Kreacher following closely. I sighed sadly knowing he would be gone all night and I would be sleeping alone er well not sleeping. Sirius came up next to me. as an unsettling feeling grew in my stomach. 

"I'm sure he'll be fine Y/n/n, he always is" I shook my head frowning a little. 

"No, I-I think something might go wrong this time" 

"well you can't know that for sure mids and I'm sure whatever it is it won't be too bad" I nodded still frowning. 

"here, let's get your mind off it" he grinned dragging me to the ballroom, he proceeded to put on green day and have a one-person mosh pit until he roped me in with him. I giggled and gladly joined him ridding myself from my worries. 

~~~two and a half hours later brought to you by kill the dj~~~

Kreacher ran through the door sobbing. something I never thought I'd see a house elf do.

"h-he's dead! m-master Black!" the fear immediately returned only a thousand times harder. My knees gave out and I fell to the ground. 

"no. no no no. he can't be dead. I-I just got him back" I was crying silently, hot tears flowing quickly down my face. I could barely feel it, the old familiar numbness set in.

 "he's not dead. he cant b-be"

 I could vaguely feel someone pulled me into their arms but it felt wrong. I wanted him. I needed him. no one could replace him. I pushed the person away and ran tripping over my feet to my room. the faint smell of regulus coated everything and I sobbed. I stumbled to the bathroom rifling through my drawers. I found a small box and opened it to reveal multiple razors. 

I carefully pulled one out and rolled up my sleeve starring at my scarred skin. it had been almost a year. I didn't care. I quickly brought the blade down desperate to feel something. I watched the old familiar sensation of the blood rolling down my arm and splattering on the floor. I sliced the skin again watching myself bleed out. 

sooner than I could know my arms and stomach were littered in large haphazardly made cuts. I was crying and I could faintly hear the sound of someone knocking on my door. I smiled a little as black spots began to cloud my vision. I slid off the counter and an audible crack could be heard through the bathroom as my skull met the marble and I blacked out. 

~~~~two years later january 1980 (ikik don't patronize me)~~~~

little harry flew around on his toy nimbus through my house his black hair identical to James and my own was a matted mess. I sat in my seat sipping an old fashioned although everything inside me was numb. I had a fake smile plastered across my burgundy lips. I was wearing a sophisticated tight form-fitting black dress and a leather jacket. although where I had gotten either I had no idea. in fact, I couldn't even remember putting them on this morning. I didn't remember or feel much anymore. I didn't want to. I could barely feel the cuts on my arms scrape against the inside of my sleeve. everything was numb but I had to put on a show. 

on the outside, I was a normal 19-year-old girl, but inside? I was broken. there were voices that never stopped constantly pestering and patronizing me. never letting me rest. but I had to act fine. for James, for Sirius, for harry, Remus, all of them. my family. but it got harder and harder with each day that passed without him. I missed him more and more each day that passed.

as soon as I was alone I hid in my room. I never voluntarily left. I had no reason to. yet every morning James would come, force me to eat and tend to my many additions to my cuts. I did it all with a fake smile plastered on my face. at this rate, he truly thought I was fine. I just had to keep up the act while he was here. then it was always the same. go and throw up. cut again. and drink myself into a stupor. anything to help me forget. 

although part of me wanted to forget anything and everything to do with him I couldn't. he was always there in one way or another to remind me. in my dreams, his hoodies thrown in the back of my closet, the scent of him that still lingered in my sheets. I didn't have the energy to do anything without him. and so I wouldn't. 

I didn't care if I got fat or lay or starved or looked ugly or got dumb. none of it mattered. 

only he mattered. 

but now he's gone. 

and I'll never see him again.