Addicted

7

Tabbia

Nothing felt good until she pumped that small portion junk through her veins. It was delicious and in every possible way dangerous. She never wanted to sink this low. Ever since the counterpart visions started she was more or less compelled to mirror it as if her life depended on it. Knowing that it was not her, or her free will made it worse. It made her hate herself more with each dose but by all means, she revelled in the peace that came with numbing her mind, body and soul. It made her forget. It let her breathe. She did not see that other side and she felt no need to go ballistic.

She stared at the needle. The thing that the world branded as bad. The thing she now needed more than food. The thing that made her feel good. Nothing scared her more than this little stick. Nothing helped her more. Fighting off the urges did not last long as the visions came at her several times per day. Until she finally gave in, everything stopped. For her, everything felt ten times better. Her nerves calmed. Her mind settled. For the first time, she did not feel like she was bursting through her skin. She did not feel like a psychopathic rage monster nor did she feel the desperate need to off herself. It was like life support as it was the first time she was living in her true skin.

It felt like it was never going to end. Though right now she did not have any objections. She was free. Days became weeks, now turning into months. Months of bliss interlaced with clubbing, drinking, the occasional fighting away horny and jealous individuals alike, and the heavy usage of drugs. Not that any of it made her miserable. No, it was exactly what she needed. That illusion of the life where she fit in the normal world and lived to please the man was gone. She could only fit in with this little bottle of magic and the only thing racing throughout her mind was why did she not find this sooner.

The knocking at the front door started up again. It had been going on like this for hours or maybe days. Could Layla not tell she was ignoring her. She did not need her anymore. What part of the stupid message did her idiot brain not understand?

"I will break down this door!" She yelled pounding on the door.

Pushing the needle and vial aside she got up and opened her bedroom door.

"What?"

"What? " layla repeated.

She crossed her arms giving her a nonchalant look. "You are disturbing me."

Placing her hands on her hips she laughs. The sound emerging from her chest has Tabbia's fingers twitching to punch her in the throat. Even blood could prove to be annoying.

"Why aren't you in school?"

"Why aren't you in school?"

"Don't play with me, Tabbia. We have one arrangement."

"I've outgrown that cesspool of morons. "

"Is that what you are gonna tell dad?"

"Yeah well, it is what it is. "

"No, it's not. You will not throw your life away. Not under my watch."

"It's not up to you. "

"Yes, it is!"

"Look, school is not the only way to make a living. I was not born to be programmed like a do as I'm told robot. So chill out, okay."

"Do you want to be put back into an institution? If dad hears you talking like this..."

"I'm done with school and that's final."

"You can't do that. "

"I just did."

"He won't allow it. You know he won't."

"Then I'll leave! "

"And go where? Back on the streets? Maybe when they catch you this time you'll be locked away for good."

She could feel the locks containing her temper getting loose. It was riding away every second She spent talking with, layla. Why was she provoking her on intention? Could she not tell how close the monster was to clawing its way out? Could she, not see the way her fingers twitched with anticipation at the thought of being wrapped around her neck?

"Are you listening to me?"

Her head snaps up at her cousin. She steps back after seeing the fiery look in her eye.

"Control yourself, Tabbia." She speaks in a calm tone. "This is why you always end up in a fight. You are too thin-skinned."

She rolled her eyes at her. "Look who's talking."

"That's beside the point. Look at how worked up you are."

Sinking onto her bed she reached for the needle once more. There was no need for anyone or anything as long as she had this shot of juice. Soon after pressing the needle into her arm the wild uncertainty in her head is silenced.

"I still think that was a bad idea." Layla comments.

"You might have been right."

A wave of exhaustion overcame her. This was new.

The scene in front of her started changing. She was now seeing a grassy field that never seemed to end she'd been here before every time she did any major damage to herself. It was always the same. Her, standing in the middle of an endless grassy plain. No matter where she looked or went it was all the same. Then she would wake up as good as new. This one was different, the grey sky was now being lit up with flashes of lightening. Like a dangerous storm was about to break.

She heard a soft whining sound. Just in front of her view was a large grey fluff.

It moved and she saw a wolf's head raise from the fluff. Its eyes held nothing but pain as it looked at her and whined. A pain erupted within her chest. The wolf started whining more as if begging her for something. She tried to speak but found that she could not, neither could she move. What was this?

The wolf settled though it still had that pained look in its eyes it seemed content with her sudden attention. The wolf nodded and turned its head to the other side. It then looked back at her and motioned for her to look past him. Her eyes searched past the wolf and the first thing she saw was a body on the other side of the wolf mirroring her frozen stance. She followed the body up to the face and saw a guy looking down at the wolf. He raised his head and locked eyes with her. The wolf let out a pained howl.

Layla's face filled her vision. She looked shocked and scared.

"What's wrong? What happened?" She asked furrowing her eyebrows.

She looked around the room. The grassy plain was gone. "I'm fine."

"Tabs, you looked like you overdosed." She stated. "If you have to hurt yourself like this then you know it's not working anymore."

"It has to work. They'll come back if it doesn't "

"Who's coming back?"

"The monsters within."

**********

Can you guess who she saw in the vision?

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