how do i tell you, i love you? [ moon byulyi x kim seokjin ]

are we breaking up?

once again,

the ride home was silent.

byulyi keeps stealing glances towards his direction, unable to process everything that's happening. seokjin wasn't able to speak what he was wanting to say after days of practicing after seeing her, it felt like he was loss for words.

and he's just... done.

but it was all...  sneaked glances.

"well would you look at the time..." he awkwardly started the conversation, pulling over at her house as byulyi sighs softly, raising her brows together. "yeah, right." she wipes the sweat off her palm on her over-sized sweatshirt, looking out as she gestured towards her front door.

"thanks for..." she couldn't continue.

she already wants to talk with him, ask how his day was, tell him how she's sorry of her attitude- like the way he wanted to apologize to her.

but she couldn't, her mind keeps urging to ask one thing that she's been dying to know. she breathed deeply, shaking the thought of her head. 

"are we breaking up?" 

byulyi's eyes were wide, even if she's the one who has asked the question that unconsciously gushed from her mouth like waterfalls, allowing them to be stuck together awkwardly at the situation as she stutters. 

"i.. i mean, i-" byulyi couldn't find the right words, the lump on her throat keeps on growing. it was not because of raising a dumb question, but she sees his face, the coldness, the soulless expression- he was staring out of nowhere.

and it was as if an answer to her unexpected question. 

she was interrupted when jin took his seat-belt off, muttering. "i'll walk you upstairs."

it was cold... 

colder than ice.

for the first time, she didn't want to go with him. 

~

his mind was in frenzy, wondering why she would throw out a question like that. was it just like that? 

no. he wouldn't allow it to happen.

finally inside her house, jin whispers after the long string of silence while hearing the door shut close.

"listen, if you want to break up-" he turns around to face her who was trailing behind him, about to say something more.

but he was interrupted. 

"i won't all..." he was staggered. 

she's already crying.

byulyi had held her tears as soon as she saw him in front of their practice room. but seeing him not talking to her felt like torture, seeing him with a cold, stagnant face- compared to his scrunched nose and gummy smiles back then,

she missed that too much that she's already sobbing in front of him just when he's about to leave her house after taking her home.

she felt like a kid,

now knowing that she's also the childish one.

"i don't want to." she sniffs, her high pitched voice occupied his ears.

 she keeps on wiping her tears away continuously with her large-sleeved sweater while sobbing, head lowered on the floor with eyes squeezed shut while tears stream down. "sor- sorry." she stammers, already whimpering that surprises jin. 

it was the first time that she cried this hard in front of him, hearing her loud on the corners of her house that even daebakie was silently watching his mother sob in front of him. "i won't do it agai- again, i'm- an inconsiderate girlfriend- i-" byulyi couldn't continue her words, lifting her head up as her very sad face greeted him, "give me a- a chance to-"

he smiles weakly, immediately embracing her as he ruffles her hair, kissing her head as she continues crying. "i'm not breaking up with you, dimwit." he whispers, swaying her a little, adoring her adorable muffled cries in his arms while hugging him back-

tighter.

and he misses her scent even if it's only a few days.

"i'm sorry, jinnie..." she whispers, as he comforts her, caressing her back. "no, i'm sorry too." he pats her head, as she shook her head. "ani, i.. i've been so selfish and-"

"shh, you're not." jin pulls away, wiping her tears with his thumb before kissing her softly of the lips, pulling away immediately as she sniffs, tears still streaming down from her beautifully sculpted face as he whispers. "we're both wrong, we're not breaking up- alright?"

no response.

"i won't let you." 

there goes her tears again, making him break into a huge smile even if half of his heart was breaking seeing her like this. but what could he do? she looks cute crying like this.

she sniffs once again, trying to see if he's telling the truth as he smiled softly. "cham, you're too beautiful even when crying." he leaves small kisses on her face to comfort her, finally hugging her tight once again as she mumbles.

"you're not breaking up with me?"

"no, silly!" he playfully smacked her back, muttering. "why would i even take you home if i'm already breaking up with you!?"

"but you're so cold!"

"of course i'll be cold!" he chuckles. "i was nervous meeting you after a fight." he squeezed her inside the hug. "promise, i'll do better next time, alright?"

"it's not just you..." she insisted, burying her head on his chest.

"ara," he grins. "are we good now?" he pulls away, cupping her cheeks while she continues sniffing, brows knitted that made him grin widely. "mm..." 

"truthfully?" he gently shook her face, chuckling at the way her cheeks wiggled lightly as she glares at him.

cute.

"sorry." he laughs, squeezing her cheeks before kissing her again.

"i can't believe i made you cry." he speaks out of guilt, "i won't do it again, okay?"

she whines softly in his arms, but he was enjoying it... a little too much. since byulyi had never pulled off anything cute for him, he was surprised to see that her vulnerable side shows her adorable side. he was in a dilemma if he wanted to see more of this while suffering with her worries.

"i heard your conversation too, with chanyeol." jin murmurs while swaying her silently. she pulls away, eyes wide. he forced himself to not smile at her reddish cheeks and nose, puffy eyes and swollen lips. "we're not..."

"i know." he squeezed her cheek, muttering. "you told him you like me?"

it took her a few seconds before humming in response. "mm... very."

her honesty sure makes his heart a thousand times more unsteady than it already was with her. "i-"

i love you.

he realized that they have never said those words yet, as he held himself back. he can't bring himself to tell it yet, why was that? his lips were trembling, she might feel taken aback. 

it was the same problem that he had before even dating her.

it was a strong word, yet he mean it.

but maybe now is not the time for that.

"i like you too, very very much." he caresses her hair, closing his eyes while intoxicating himself with her fragrance, sighing in relief as he felt her arms warmly welcoming him back. 

let's take the risks together, not individually.