Waiting for the Sun

3. Jump His Bones?

I knew my parents would be gone which meant that me and Jordan would have the house to ourselves. The thought of him and me in an empty nest sent me into a state of panic and ecstasy. Would tonight be the night I told him I adored him? How I longed for him to lick me from head to toe and reverse? Would we have our first kiss? Embarrassing and sadly true, at 17 I still hadn’t been kissed. When did people have time to meet boys, get kissed and laid when I barely had time to finish my chemistry assignments? Now when I had an actually real life guy that I liked I was completely clueless. Kit had tried to explain some basics to me since she was way more experienced than me. She definitely wouldn’t have been in the same circle as Virgin Mary. She and Joe had a thing last term but it ended quickly. They never talked about it now and as long as there was no weirdness between them I wouldn’t go poking around for unnecessary details.
     My head was spinning by the time Jordan walked through the door without knocking, throwing his things and himself on the sofa. 

     “Where’re the bowls? I have crisps.”

     “Second cupboard.”

     Our unwritten rule said that the one who didn’t provide the entertainment had to get snacks for us both. I watched him get up and walk to the kitchen with his crisp bag in one hand and his hat in the other. When his back was turned, I thanked whoever it was that made him wear skinny jeans tonight. The problem hadn’t been Kit’s inability to teach me everything she knew and more but me and my frustrating ability to freeze. Time after time I tried to make a move and it had never worked because I froze like a freaking statue. Exams in English, biology, maths, you name it: I could do it all without flinching and it always panned out with the same top results. But put me in the same room with the boy I like and I can’t make one single move to show him how I feel. I was a true embarrassment to the human species. We had never hugged, never even touched if it wasn’t by “accident” when we were reaching for the snack bowl at the same time.
     Jordan came back from the kitchen and poured the crisps into two purple bowls before throwing himself back on the sofa with a grunting sound. Not many inches kept us apart and I could see every light freckle on his pointy nose. Even his bloody freckles made me twitch. Every fibre in my body screamed that I should jump his bones now and get it over with. No awkward conversation and no hesitation. We could just fool around and shit. If I could only touch him, I knew my skin would catch fire.

     “Falling asleep?”

     Without noticing, I’d been standing in front of the TV staring at him like he was a piece of meat ready to be devoured. Kill me now. I had to stop being such a weirdo and act like a normal person for once.

     “Just getting the film.”

     I ran up the stairs quicker than I probably should with my dubious physic but instead of going to the bag pack in my bedroom I locked myself in the only bathroom. Studying my reflection in the mirror I saw my ash blonde hair that only came down to my shoulders could use a cut already. I wished for hair that would fall in natural wavy locks but instead I was born with this curly nightmare. Tonight it looked like a fucking birds-nest. If I looked long enough I would surely find some sign of life in there. Besides the hair I didn’t look too bad. The dark blue hoodie made my lighter blue eyes look pretty intense and my new jeans fitted perfectly. I wasn’t fat, neither thin; not good-looking but not ugly either. I was normal, just a boring average girl that could really use some action before I would explode.
     Maybe I would look better if I actually made an effort, bought some dresses or flashy tops, maybe even put some visible make-up on like the blow-up dolls at school. I knew too well it would never happen. There were many things to do and experience so why would you put so much effort into your looks? Still when I thought about violating the boy downstairs I found myself grabbing a hairbrush forcefully trying to untangle my impossible hair but it didn’t take long before I gave up. The eyes that looked back at me were too desperate. How did you erase it? I think I already knew the answer and that’s when my hands covered my face. Just breathe. After splashing some cold water on my flushed face I walked halfway down the stairs before I realised I hadn’t brought the movie.

——————————————————

“I want the dirty dets, come on!”

     Kit was too excited for her own good (maybe because she hadn’t got laid for a good while) but my stomach kept making bear noises and I wasn't hungry. 

     “Nothing to tell. Watched the film in silence and two minutes later he was out the door. I’m such a pussy what’s wrong with me? Ah!”

     I felt my face growing red and it wasn’t from the warm room. Why did I never just do something? How hard could it possibly be to kiss him? I buried my face in the nearest pillow but Joe grabbed a hold of it and threw it on the floor next to way too many sticky chocolate wrappers.

     “Hey there’s nothing wrong with you. Maybe you just don’t like him?”

     And here he goes again with his ‘I-hate-Jordan’ parade.

     “Oh that must be why I’ve eaten my own weight in candy and ice-cream because I don’t fancy him.”

     Joe let out a small laugh before he once again turned serious.

     “Fair enough, then there’s something wrong with him. He should’ve made a move by now.”

     “Maybe he’s just shy?”

     Kit didn’t sound like she meant it but I was glad she at least tried to cheer me up. Joe just snorted and shook his head.

     “If he was remotely interested he should’ve done something, anything. Trust me.”

     God he was so full of himself sometimes. All the time actually.

     “Why because you’re a guy? You’re not all the same you know. Jordan’s different he’s..”

     “Gay?”

     “Shut up!”

     I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction but the thought had crossed my mind once or twice. Jordan did wear a lot of tight jeans and I never saw him with any girls. Two laughable reasons I know but maybe Joe was right after all. But then there was that time when Kit forced me to wear her tight blue top and Jordan couldn’t stop staring at my boobs. Of course Joe was wrong. 

     “Seriously why can’t you be on my side?”

     Joe got a strange look in his eyes and now it was his time to raise his voice.

     “I’ve always been on your team come on! I just have a weird feeling about this guy.”

     “Well get over it! If you’re really on my team you’re on his.”

     Joe stayed silent for a while as both me and Kit ogled him. He had a choice. Get on board or get the fuck off. Eventually he shrugged his shoulders and sighed.

     “I’ll take that as a yes.”

     I knew he was looking out for me in his own strange little way but he just had to trust me on this one. I wouldn’t give up on Jordan because he had a "feeling" about him. I don’t give up that easily.
     When he was looking the other way I grabbed the pillow from the floor and tossed it at his face with all my strength.

     “Cheer up grumpy!”

     “You little shit!”

     He had turned on his “angry” voice but his lips were smiling as he emptied the rest of the candy inside my shirt while I begged for mercy.