Waiting for the Sun

10. More Death Please

"Hey ehm it's me again. I want..."

Couldn't Joe take a hint anytime soon? Both him and Kit kept calling me at least once a day, leaving messages or texts. At least Jordan had the decency to back off after a week as I kept avoiding him in the halls and his pathetic, pleading texts. Now I'd started to spend almost every night at Tracy's house. Her mom was really cool, she let us smoke in the house and never asked where we were at night.

After my virginity was out of the way, I decided to follow Tracy's advice, if you could call it that, and after a while I felt like I'd also fucked half the school. I had thought that Jordan was an exception but it appeared as I got tired of everyone I shared a bed, floor or car seat with. I had never realised how many parties the posh kids actually threw and attended but I began to go with Tracy, Sam and the rest of the gang to at least three parties a week at someone from school and often we would go to two other parties, often university parties just Tracy, me and the girls. Why guys in their age were interested in us I had no idea but it was usually there were I met the hottest and most eager guys. Most of the time I didn't remember their names afterwards, sometimes neither me nor them bothered to ask.

Tracy was still sleeping when I went to the kitchen and realised her mom wasn't asleep even though it was only eight in the morning on a Saturday. We had been to one of our uni parties and I had ended up staying the night with Tim or Tom or something like that. Usually I didn't do that, stay the night, but the pills I'd taken had knocked me out for a few hours but not before Tim-Tom had taught me some new things.

"You hungry?"

"I'm alright thanks."

I sat down on the chair, too exhausted to actually go upstairs to the bedroom just yet. My head continued to spin and I couldn't tell if I was hangover or still high.

"I'm glad Tracy has you", Gloria suddenly said. "You know how it's like when someone in your family passes away."

I didn't say anything for a while since I was taken by surprise. What was I supposed to say, thank you?

"Tracy didn't speak to me for weeks after her dad died. I'm so happy she can talk to you."

All Tracy had said to me was that her dad left when she was eight. Left is definitely not the same as dead. I pondered this information for a while and then it all added up. Why she hung out with me, why she even started talking to me in the first place. Even though we never spoke of my brother maybe she felt some kind of connection to me which in itself felt absurd. I didn't know what to say to her mum who kept looking at me with tears in her eyes.

Quickly I excused myself and took my refuge in the bathroom. After brushing my teeth I went to the bedroom me and Tracy shared and there she was, snoring away on her side with her mouth wide open. I suddenly pictured her at the age of eight, hiding in the same room from her concerned mother, the other parent gone forever. As long as she didn't bring up her father or Adam, I wouldn't.