Waiting for the Sun

13. Are You A Junky Now?

The floor of the storage room was full of dust, cigarette buds and the smell was even worse. I put my skirt back on and when I tried to fix my hair I found a piece of sticky paper in my loose ponytail. David looked at me with what felt like an x-ray vision but then looked down at the floor.

     “I like you but you’re so young. This is all on me.”

     My skin was crawling and I knew I needed something. Something else than a surprisingly fast shag. And I really needed David to shut up and stop talking to me like a baby.

     “I’m gonna go.”

     As I walked into the café I froze when I saw who walked in.

     “What are you doing here?”

     Kit looked real good in her tight black dress and denim jacket and all of the sudden I felt very uncomfortable in my bleached skirt and butterfly t-shirt.

     “Looking for you. No one was home so..”

     I couldn’t deny that she knew me well. Maybe a bit too well at this point.

     “What you want?”

     She radiated concern and pity, the worst and most common combination I got these days.

     “I wanna talk to my best friend who lost her brother. Is that too much to ask?”

     “I didn’t fucking loose him!”

     My scream even startled myself and I started breathing heavily. Just calm down. When I tried to get to the door and pass Kit she wouldn’t let me. 

     “Sit the fuck down.”

     On another day I would have been scared straight by her harsh voice and firm eyes but I couldn’t waste any time on her.

     “I’m out.”

     I was beginning to sweat and as I rubbed my clammy palms together to calm myself she looked at me with nothing but disgust in her eyes.

     “So you’re a junky now? I didn’t wanna believe it but look at you. What the hell are you doing?”

     I snorted loudly and moved in closer.

“Says the person with no real life goals whatsoever. Give me some advice on how to be more like you, please will you!”

     Suddenly all the energy appeared to disappear from her and she sat down heavily on the nearest chair.

     “You won’t have a dead brother free pass forever you know.”

     I didn’t need to listen to her ramble anymore. We weren’t friends and maybe we never had been.

     “Screw you.”

     When I opened the door I heard her mumble “I’m going to Manchester” at the same time as David came out of the storage. Nobody came after me but still I ran. As I came closer to the city I felt the panic creeping up on me again. My heart was raising and my palms were more wet than clammy. I sat down panting on the pavement and stared at the empty road for a while. Then I picked up my phone and started calling people I knew were holding. Most of them blew me off since they were friends with Tracy and I swore to myself. I could have gone home but I couldn’t stand the thought of being under the same roof as those letters. Against my better judgement I decided to call the person I thought I would never speak to again. What can I say, desperation is a powerful thing.

     “You got something?”

     “For you? Don’t know about that” said Mike.

     “I have cash.”

     There was a few seconds of silence and then he said: “My place in ten.”