A reason to doubt me

Why are you here?

"You wanted to see me tonight." I tell Lindsey as we start the second bottle of champagne, my head in his lap, his arm around my waist. This feels right.

"What gives you that idea?"

"You go to bed once you get to your hotel room, you came here past 1am, to bring me my bracelet, something you could have done any other time during the day tomorrow."

"You caught me, detective Nicks." He proceeds to play with my hair, everything he does feels so natural. "You didn't correct me."

"What do you mean?"

"I called you Nicks, a few months ago you would have jumped down my throat for that."

"Maybe I prefer being called that now."

"You're really angry he didn't come see you, aren't you?"

"Obviously. He's giving me such a hard time about everything I do or say lately, but when it's our anniversary and he's doing god knows what it is perfectly fine."

"Am I to blame for your suffering?"

"Not entirely. If I didn't want to, we wouldn't have slept together or you wouldn't be here with your hand about to reach for inappropriate places."

"I was hoping you wouldn't notice." He places his empty glass on the table and sits back again. 

"Right. And since when are you ok with your work not being appreciated, Mr Buckingham?"

"I don't need it in words, I can feel it, baby." He winks and my cheeks turn pink. I put my hand over his that is sneaking higher and higher up my nightie. "That's not fair, I was enjoying myself."

"I bet you were, but there's no rush."

"It's almost four in the morning, for some of us, bedtime was a long time ago."

"It's about mine now, so bear with me."

"You're beautiful."

"You'll say anything to get me to bed right now."

"True, but I mean it as well."

"Can I ask you something at first?"

"Sure."

"Why are you here? Why are you with me? Why do you want to be with me?"

"You know the answer to that, Stevie."

"But what about Kristen? Isn't it what rock stars do? Everyone I know are on their third wives, who are at least three times younger than me. And here you are."

"I'm not like other people."

"You do what you want to." 

Lindsey nods and leans to give me a kiss. "I love you."

At this moment I realize he has told me this many times after our talk, but I haven't. I was feeling insecure about it, thinking that if he understands my true feelings, he'll start using that. "I love you, too Lindsey." The smile across his face is priceless. I haven't told him this for almost thirty years and now I know it's been too long.

"I've been meaning to tell you something else. When I said I won't push you into doing anything, that still stands, but I feel you should know."

"Don't tell me Kristen is pregnant, I'm begging you."

"No." He brings my hand to his lips and kisses the back of it. "I haven't been intimate with her for a long time." That knowledge makes me happy, not that I'm going to show it, yet he probably knows anyway. "And I also haven't been living with her for about a month before we went out on tour."