If I Need You, I'll See You In My Dreams

Part 8: IF I LEAVE NOW...

https://soundcloud.com/ckanade/a-your-lie-in-april-ost
Cheesiest chapter to date- 😋

➽───────────────❥

Part 8: If I leave now...

If we only saw what we wanted to see...
What would it be?
If we only heard what we wanted to hear...
What would it be?

"Right now all I see is the ground at my feet. I see the two years I spent with Wooyoung flashing before my eyes."
"Right now... all I hear is the sound of the wind. My mind... is immersed in the sounds of laughter from those times I spent with him..."
"Were they real to him?"

Your back faces Seonghwa. You were about to leave, thinking you said what needed to be said.
...
"Wooyoung... I gave it to him..."
"Did you ever get it?..." Seonghwa asks, not taking his eyes away from your sight. Expecting your answer to be "Yes" and nothing else.
But his voice... You could hear the little trembles of insecurity and doubt.

It's been years since you hear Seonghwa's voice. You can feel his gaze on you for the first time in forever.
You can't stand to hear his shaky voice.
You can't bear to turn around to look at his face.
All you could think about is running away.
Runaway to find the answers.
Runaway only to run back to the person you don't want to see.

"I have to go..."
"I have to talk to Wooyoung."
You say.
You could only imagine what Seonghwa's face looks like. Eyes wide and his soft hair brushing across his creased forehead. You knew Seonghwa enough to know that this isn't what he wanted to hear at this moment.
Would anyone?

You hear things you don't want to hear.
The last thing you want to know is that the mundane yet wondrous two years you spend with Wooyoung was a lie.
Despite the severed feelings, you were willing to carry those memories with you because it made you happy in a puzzling way.
But now those memories, tainted with regret and bitterness.
Just because at the start of it all, there was a lie.

Countless thoughts go through your mind and you still can't wrap your head around what happened today.
Although you knew that closing your eyes, does not make this day any less real, that's all you can bear to do.
You close your eyes...
You close your eyes and hope to wake up from this nightmare.
...
"If I leave now..."
"If I leave now, when will I see you again..."
"If I leave now... will I find my way back to you."

The wind sweeps past you as you take a deep breath.
You open your eyes facing the sky full of stars before letting yourself do whatever your heart desired at the moment.
You want to see his face before you leave.
Your eyes wander at his direction and the body carried the rest.
Your footsteps are reaching him as he stares at you hopelessly.
...
There you are... standing in front of him.
The familiarity lingers as you step closer to him.
He has changed so much but in your eyes, the same old Seonghwa stands before you with his hair black as the midnight sky. Eyes shimmering with tears, so close to trailing down his cheeks.
You can't stand to look at his face.
"I didn't need a letter..." You speak.
"I didn't need a letter to know what you felt about me."
Your voice trembles as you speak.

Your hand finds its way to his face. Cupping his soft cheeks while your fingertips touch the ends of his hair.
your face tilts as his hand traces up yours overlapping yours. He held it tight as if he's been waiting to hold your hand forever and as if he never wanted to let it go.
"I know..."
"I wanted to say goodbye... I'm sorry." Seonghwa spoke with his, oh so handsome voice.
"His voice... It's different now." You think.
Not a care for his apology because it's not his fault.
It was never his fault.

"It's not your fault," you say.
Your eyes shut tight as you feel tears creeping up.
...
You think...
"Till next time"
"I have to go"
"What am I supposed to say?"

"If I leave now... I want to kiss you goodbye"

You think and you think, all the while your eyes wander all over his face.

You find yourself moving closer and closer to him as he holds your hand tight.
A kiss on his temple...
Unable to pull away, your face lies on his cheeks as you feel his eyes close tightly. You feel teardrops falling on to your face and trace down your neck. His teardrops.
"Stay," He says.

A kiss on the cheek.
Boundaries and unspoken feelings.
A kiss on the cheek. It makes you want more.
As if you were saying that you will be back. As if you were saying that
"If I leave now... we will see each other again."

"I'll be back... I promise." You say.
He wraps his arms around you as you were about to pull away and he says,
"If you leave now... I promise... I will find you again."

____
You think about the words he said as you look outside the car window.
Ji Yeon is at the driver's seat. Concerned as usual.
Refreshing air is coming in as you drive past countless fields on a lonely road. You immerse in the way you felt in his arms and his comforting words that gave you butterflies.
"What are you gonna do about Wooyoung?" Ji Yeon asks breaking your thoughts while keeping her head on the road.
You run your fingertips through your hair while taking a deep breath.
"Hmm... I don't know."
"I have to call him."
You say with no emotion.
Ji Yeon didn't say anything. Maybe she knew you wanted space.
The whole drive back to the hotel was quiet. Except for the sounds of horns and the city noises once you entered the highway.

One problem goes away while another creeps in.
Love is blind they say...
Maybe in another universe, we could have been together...
Maybe in another universe, he never lied to me...
Maybe in another universe, the four of us could have still been friends...
But this is the real world and If I leave now... I will find my way back to the right person.

To be continued...?~

Part 9.