State Of Grace || °HSMTMTS°

Chapter 6

EJ

When Ricky called me tonight, I swear that my heart stopped for a moment. He sounded so lost while he explained where he was and what was going on. I didn't even think about it - I got into my car and made my way to the police station with one simple plan forming in my mind - I will kill him.

Then I walked in there and saw him. He looked so much smaller than he is. He looked lonely. I didn't know what to say or do. So I took him home with me. As he had asked.

I swear I tried to be mad at him. But then his confession happened. And I couldn't help it.

It took Ricky so long to calm down, and even longer to fall asleep. He stopped crying eventually, but he'd choke back tears every now and then. Every time that would happen I'd squeeze him closer into myself and kiss his forehead. It was burning.

At one point through the night, he whispered: "Thank you. Sorry I put you through the trouble". He probably thought I was asleep and I wouldn't hear him.

I thought it would be better if I pretended that I actually was asleep and ignore him. Instead, I brought his head closer to my heart and whispered back to him: "Don't worry".

He stayed silent after that. Soon enough, his breathing evened out and I knew he was asleep.

I drifted in and out of sleep the entire night, and I was painfully aware of the fact that I was holding Ricky in my arms during every moment. I thought of letting go a few times, but I never did. Somewhere along the way I just stopped caring. Yes, it was weird, this thing between us was complicated, but it was the right thing to do at this point of time, and that was all that really mattered.

Also, it was the thing that I wanted to do.

Why did I want to be there for a guy that pretty much hated my guts? I had no clue. But I decided that I would be there. I would be there for as long as he needed me, and once that he didn't need me things would go back to the way they were before.

I sounded painfully unlike myself.

As the morning rolled around and the first rays of sunshine landed started burning through my skin, I felt kind of sad that I'd have to let go of Ricky soon.

But eventually, I had to.

The alarm didn't wake him up, so I had to. He looked so peaceful and content. Once he was awake he'd remember what happened last night, and I wasn't sure how he'd react to it, but I was sure he wouldn't be looking like this. 

Slowly, I sat up. I ran my fingers through his curly hair without really thinking about it. I realized that I did that and jerked my hand away. Then I realized that I was staring at him with a smile on my face. I forced myself to stop. 

"Ricky", I whispered as I placed my hand softly on his shoulder, "time to wake up". He stayed calm, so I shook him lightly: "Ricky, you need to get up".

"Five...more...minutes", he grumbled. I looked up at my phone and sighed. It was 7:27 AM already. However much I'd like to leave him asleep for at least a little bit longer, we had to get to school. 

"Ricky, you need to wake up", I tried putting a little more force into my voice, "or we'll be late". 

He turned around on his back and tried rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He looked up at me, and I saw the exact moment in which it all started coming back to him. His brown eyes were stained red from all the crying, which made them hypnotizing in a really scary way - in a way that made me feel like he was soon going to be just a ghost of himself. Without really thinking about it, I leaned in close to him and kissed his forehead. It comes to me as an afterthought that what I did was weird.